Report From Ladder Company 40 Day 176 and 177

Hi Team!

As you saw by my pre-post, I am very happy to announce that I am NOT pregnant!  The thought of being pregnant at 41, having a kid graduating high school when I'm 60 and kissing my last shot at my dream goodbye had stressed me greatly.  Although, after I laid it on the alter, I really started to feel at peace with the possibility.  I knew I would be sad to let go of the dream yet, I started to think it wouldn't be so bad.  And then when I found out for sure I was not, and I told my husband, I really had a flood of mixed emotions.  He said to me, "Well, you were the only one who was worried.  I wouldn't have minded."

                                        o_0

For years I wanted another, and he never seemed concerned when we didn't get pregnant.  Now he's the one feeling sad?  Wow.  I never knew he felt that way.  And now I just want to hug him non-stop and tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am for the disappointment.  Not that I personally disappointed him, but I am feeling sad for the loss of what could have been for him.  Does that make any sense?

Well, thanks for letting me just ramble about it a bit.  I feel a little better.

Monday I did not want to go, again, to work out.  I have been having real issues about just getting there lately.  I felt very tired and ill.  I went any way.  (Because Coach Alex doesn't like it very much when I cancel!)   Although I only walked two of the three miles we planned to walk, I was glad that I went.  Alex just happily chatters away while we walk and I occasionally throw a word or two in of my own.  This time she was talking about a lesson she learned when she went to see TD Jakes on Friday night.  And the message was very uplifting to her.  It was uplifting to me in her re-telling.  God is so good.  He always sends the encouragement I need just when I need it.  Sometimes it is something from His word.  Sometimes it is a call from a friend I haven't seen in a while.  Or a new team member for my blog.  Or any number of things.  Every day I feel His blessings upon me and I am very thankful.

Not only did I work out, but I drank all the fluids I set out to drink for the day.  2 1/2 quarts of water and iced tea.  Lately, it has been an effort to get the fluids down too.  Maybe the stress of my busy schedule and anxiety about school is affecting me worse than I thought.  No matter, I have a strong desire to succeed and a good support system. 

I also slept well last night.  I don't remember waking up at all.  But even though I slept through the night, I am very tired.  That is probably due to trying to adjust to daylight savings time more than anything else.  In any case, I had a three for three kind of day.  Yay me!

All in all, it was a really good day. 

Tuesday

Report first:  Slept well, drank 3 quarts today and was as active as possible at work.  It was not a scheduled work out day so I score three for three.  Yay me!

In CERT class tonight, we started Disaster Medical Operations.  Our class tonight was taught by a 25 year veteran paramedic from our town's fire department.  She was funny and fun to learn from.  We had been warned ahead of time not to volunteer for anything.  We didn't have to.  She never asked for volunteers, she chose victims.  And I got to be the one she demonstrated pressure bandaging on.  She was built as solidly as they come but definitely the size of a woman.  Except for her hands!  They were giant MAN sized hands and that woman could grip!  Somehow she gripped the gaping arterial wound in my arm with one hand as she showed how to wrap it and apply pressure at the same time.  Even before she wrapped my arm, I felt my hand start to throb.  Then she wrapped it expertly and tied it in a tight little bow, on the first try without catching her fingers in the bow, with two pairs of nitrile gloves on.  And she made it look simple.  And for her, it WAS simple.  Then she continues holding my hand up showing off her handy work and talking about the technique.  She looked like she might untie it at one point but then I swear I saw an evil grin cross her lips as she stepped away from me and continued to lecture the class.  Then she'd step back and look and talk some more.  She was pleased to see a good vein in my arm and announced she could easily get a 14 guage in there.  NO THANKS!  I didn't sign up for that.  She let out an evil laugh when I declined.  Then she walked away and continued talking again.  My hand started to look a little ashen in color.  My hand and fingers were throbbing.  I swore anyone could see it if they glanced my way.  She kept stealing glances at me.  I was waiting her out knowing it was a test and she was waiting me out, knowing she would win.  Finally I could stand it no longer and tried to non-chalantly untie it.  She stopped talking mid-sentence to ask me why I was taking it off so soon.  And then gave that evil smile again.  I think she likes me.

Later, when we had learned how to triage, she sent a third of the class out while the rest of us were given assignments as vicitms.  Oddly I had another arterial bleed.  This time in my other arm on the upper part.  I was propped up agains the legs of a table, underneath the table for cover.  We had just had a terrible earthquake.  I was in the center of the room.  As I screamed about the spurting bright red blood I waited for somebody to help me.  I freaked out because it was shooting across the room and I knew I was going to die and I just couldn't stop the blood.  Still it was five minutes before anyone looked at me.  She was very nervous and she tied my pressure bandage on me as she talked trying to calm me down.  She was so nervous that she tied it underneath the wound.  And she asked me if I had children to distract me from asking questions about the blood.  I told her I had a 17 year old son then started to freak out because I didnt' know where he was.  She didn't know what to do.  I felt sorry for her.  I wasn't a nice victim.  Finally I felt sorry for her (really I was just feeling glad to be a victim rather than a rescuer!) and I pretended she calmed me down.  I should have been dead by then anyway, right? 

My turn is coming.  Next time I will be the nervous rescuer.  I can't wait to find out what I won't remember.  In fact, with all we covered last night, all I could think about on the way home was how much there is to learn and how little capacity my brain seems to have available.  And this is the tip of the iceberg.  EMT school is less than two weeks away.  Oh BOY!

Thursday night we will cover Disaster Medical Operations, part two.  I'm nervous but looking forward to it.  If nothing else, when I graduate from CERT I will have learned a few skills and will have had some wonderful networking opportunities at the very least.  I am hoping for more than that.  I am hoping to feel comfortable practicing my new skills and I hope to feel more confident that I am ready for a true emergency and ready to help.  God help me.  Even though this is strictly voluntary, it is a big responsibility.   I want to rise to it and do it right.

Stay safe, team!

Hotflash out.