I will NEVER forget.

September 11th, 2011...   Ten years since the horrific acts of terrorism were committed against the American people.  And it still feels like it was yesterday.


I am a Kingdoms of Camelot Junkie.  It is a medieval war game on facebook.   I run my own alliance there, called Camelot Fire and Rescue.  With a name like that, it does attract gamers who are also fire fighters, paramedics, EMT's, and other first responders; but it also attracts "civilians."   Although I am Chancellor of the alliance, I have many supporting officers to help me manage it.  And one of them... a good friend, offered to create a website for the alliance that would provide guides and helpful information to our members.   But both "aceofspades" (as he goes by online) and I wanted to make it more than that.   We both felt strongly that we should create a memorial for 9-11.  I haven't the slightest idea of how to create a website so he handled the technical end and I provided input and searched for resources for the site.  


I spent all of Labor Day weekend sifting through hundreds of sites reflecting on the attacks of September 11th, 2001.  "Ace" did the same and it affected us both profoundly.  The following is a post I left in the forum page of our website:

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was a Field Coordinator for a private for profit child care corporation which meant I helped oversee sixteen separate school age cild care programs.

On September 11th, 2001 I was filling in as a Site Director for one of those programs because we had let the previous Site Director go only a few days prior to that. I got to work about a half hour early as I always do and turned on the television to watch the news while I prepared the classroom for the day. I saw the coverage of the plane having hit the first tower.

As I continued to watch and the events of the morning continued to unfold I became aware very quickly that this was no accident, that our homeland was under attack.

Then I got a call from my boss that another Director had not shown up and there was nobody at that site to receive families. Another teacher had just arrived at my site so I headed out the door to cover the other one. On the way I listened to the radio, in shock. I remember it was hard to drive because I was crying.. afraid for the people inside the first tower, and for my own family.. wondering if we were safe in our own town on the West Coast.

At the second site I had the news on as well. In retrospect I should not have with children on site, but nobody knew what to do. My programs were held in elementary schools and every classroom had a television turned on and the teachers were glued to them. As children arrived on the grounds they were ushered into their classes quickly because we all felt threatened.  We were not under lockdown... but we were close to it.

As I watched the news I saw the plane flying low in the sky and thought, "My dear God, its going to hit the other tower". And of course it did. And then all the false hope that maybe, just maybe this was a series of tragic accidents went down the drain. I burst into loud sobs and could not control my emotion despite the fact that I was now responsible for children in the room.

And the news just kept getting worse. I remember feeling a tremendous amount of sorrow mixed with the fear of uncertainty.

In the days and weeks that followed, I felt a confusing jumble of emotions. I felt pride in my country for coming together in such unity to mourn our losses and find the will to go on. I felt joy at being alive, having a family whom I loved and the fact that I did not lose anyone dear to me in the attacks. And I felt guilty for my joy when others were suffering. I felt fear and uncertainty about the security of our nation. I felt overwhelming sadness for the senseless loss of life. I know many more civilians died in the attacks than firefighters and police officers but the firefighters bothered me the most.

I have always had a passion for firefighters and EMS providers. It's in my blood I guess. Not really since my family history of firefighters is not related by blood, but they were family just the same. My grandfather was really my mother's step father, but I idolized him as a child because he was a fireman. He helped people. He was a highly compassionate being, like most firefighters. And that compassion is what draws me to my passion for firefighters and EMS providers still today.

Today I had the privilege of attending a beautiful ceremony in honor of all the lives lost that horrible day ten years ago.  Our fire department provided a thoughtful, respectful remembrance of those who were lost and honoring those left to carry on with out them.  As part of the Fire Buff Battalion I felt very honored to be there and show my support.   The event was attended by many neighboring fire departments and there was even representation from the NYPD.  And, as I do every year at every memorial ceremony, I cried.  My heart is so broken for all those who are left to carry on with their lives forever changed and holes in their hearts that will never be filled.  I am filled with compassion for those who were there in the aftermath digging for bodies, clearing away rubble, serving the rescuers, and all who were a part of that in any way.   I know it is something they will never forget and that for many it brings nightmares still today and for those people I pray for peace and comfort. 


For all who lost loved ones in the senseless attacks on our country on September 11th, 2001, my heart and my prayers go out to you. That includes the many who have lost loved ones due to health issues brought on by the toxic dust and smoke from the attacks, and those who died from suicide because they simply could not cope.

For all who were there, all who helped, all who gave blood, helped their neighbors, prayed, or helped in any way large or small... to the military, police, firefighters, EMS providers, Red Cross volunteers and all other service providers, you are all heroes, even if you don't consider yourselves to be. I thank you for your service to others.

May we NEVER forget and God help us, may we find it in our hearts to forgive, lest we not be forgiven of our own transgressions.


God bless America, and God bless everyone.


Hotflash out.


Rest in Peace:


Gordon McCannel Aamoth, 32, New York, N.Y.
Maria Rose Abad, 49, Syosset, N.Y.
Edelmiro (Ed) Abad, 54, New York, N.Y.
Andrew Anthony Abate, 37, Melville, N.Y.
Vincent Abate, 40, New York, N.Y.
Laurence Christopher Abel, 37
William F. Abrahamson, 58, Cortland Manor, N.Y.
Richard Anthony Aceto, 42, Wantagh, N.Y.
Erica Van Acker, 62, New York, N.Y.
Heinrich B. Ackermann, 38, New York, N.Y.
Paul Andrew Acquaviva, 29, Glen Rock, N.J.
Christian Adams, 37, Biebelsheim, Germany
Donald L. Adams, 28, Chatham, N.J.
Shannon Lewis Adams, 25, New York, N.Y.
Stephen Adams, 51, New York, N.Y.
Patrick Adams, 60, New York, N.Y.
Ignatius Adanga, 62, New York, N.Y.
Christy A. Addamo, 28, New Hyde Park, N.Y.
Terence E. Adderley, 22, Bloomfield Hills, Mich.
Sophia B. Addo, 36, New York, N.Y.
Lee Adler, 48, Springfield, N.J.
Daniel Thomas Afflitto, 32, Manalapan, N.J.
Emmanuel Afuakwah, 37, New York, N.Y.
Alok Agarwal, 36, Jersey City, N.J.
Mukul Agarwala, 37, New York, N.Y.
Joseph Agnello, 35, New York, N.Y.
David Scott Agnes, 46, New York, N.Y.
Joao A. Aguiar Jr., 30, Red Bank, N.J.
Lt. Brian G. Ahearn, 43, Huntington, N.Y.
Jeremiah J. Ahern, 74, Cliffside Park, N.J.
Joanne Ahladiotis, 27, New York, N.Y.
Shabbir Ahmed, 47, New York, N.Y.
Terrance Andre Aiken, 30, New York, N.Y.
Godwin Ajala, 33, New York, N.Y.
Gertrude M. Alagero, 37, New York, N.Y.
Andrew Alameno, 37, Westfield, N.J.
Margaret Ann (Peggy) Jezycki Alario, 41, New York, N.Y.
Gary Albero, 39, Emerson, N.J.
Jon L. Albert, 46, Upper Nyack, N.Y.
Peter Craig Alderman, 25, New York, N.Y.
Jacquelyn Delaine Aldridge, 46, New York, N.Y.
Grace Alegre-Cua, 40, Glen Rock, N.J.
David D. Alger, 57, New York, N.Y.
Ernest Alikakos, 43, New York, N.Y.
Edward L. Allegretto, 51, Colonia, N.J.
Eric Allen, 44, New York, N.Y.
Joseph Ryan Allen, 39, New York, N.Y.
Richard Lanard Allen, 30, New York, N.Y.
Richard Dennis Allen, 31, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Edward Allingham, 36, River Edge, N.J.
Anna Williams Allison, 48, Stoneham, Massachusetts
Janet M. Alonso, 41, Stony Point, N.Y.
Anthony Alvarado, 31, New York, N.Y.
Antonio Javier Alvarez, 23, New York, N.Y.
Telmo Alvear, 25, New York, N.Y.
Cesar A. Alviar, 60, Bloomfield, N.J.
Tariq Amanullah, 40, Metuchen, N.J.
Angelo Amaranto, 60, New York, N.Y.
James Amato, 43, Ronkonkoma, N.Y.
Joseph Amatuccio, 41, New York, N.Y.
Paul Ambrose, 32, Washington, D.C.
Christopher Charles Amoroso, 29, New York, N.Y.
Spc. Craig Amundson, 28, Fort Belvoir, Va.
Kazuhiro Anai, 42, Scarsdale, N.Y.
Calixto Anaya, 35, Suffern, N.Y.
Jorge Octavio Santos Anaya, 25, Aguascalientes, Aguascalientes, Mexico
Joseph Peter Anchundia, 26, New York, N.Y.
Kermit Charles Anderson, 57, Green Brook, N.J.
Yvette Anderson, 53, New York, N.Y.
John Andreacchio, 52, New York, N.Y.
Michael Rourke Andrews, 34, Belle Harbor, N.Y.
Jean A. Andrucki, 42, Hoboken, N.J.
Siew-Nya Ang, 37, East Brunswick, N.J.
Joseph Angelini, 38, Lindenhurst, N.Y.
Joseph Angelini, 63, Lindenhurst, N.Y.
David Angell, 54, Pasadena, California
Lynn Angell, 45, Pasadena, California
Laura Angilletta, 23, New York, N.Y.
Doreen J. Angrisani, 44, New York, N.Y.
Lorraine D. Antigua, 32, Middletown, N.J.
Seima Aoyama, 48, Culver City, Calif.
Peter Paul Apollo, 26, Hoboken, N.J.
Faustino Apostol, 55, New York, N.Y.
Frank Thomas Aquilino, 26, New York, N.Y.
Patrick Michael Aranyos, 26, New York, N.Y.
David Gregory Arce, 36, New York, N.Y.
Michael G. Arczynski, 45, Little Silver, N.J.
Louis Arena, 32, New York, N.Y.
Barbara Arestegui, 38, Marstons Mills, Massachusetts
Adam Arias, 37, Staten Island, N.Y.
Michael J. Armstrong, 34, New York, N.Y.
Jack Charles Aron, 52, Bergenfield, N.J.
Joshua Aron, 29, New York, N.Y.
Richard Avery Aronow, 48, Mahwah, N.J.
Myra Aronson, 52, Charlestown, Massachusetts
Japhet J. Aryee, 49, Spring Valley, N.Y.
Carl Asaro, 39, Middletown, N.Y.
Michael A. Asciak, 47, Ridgefield, N.J.
Michael Edward Asher, 53, Monroe, N.Y.
Janice Ashley, 25, Rockville Centre, N.Y.
Thomas J. Ashton, 21, New York, N.Y.
Manuel O. Asitimbay, 36, New York, N.Y.
Lt. Gregg Arthur Atlas, 45, Howells, N.Y.
Gerald Atwood, 38, New York, N.Y.
James Audiffred, 38, New York, N.Y.
Kenneth W. Van Auken, 47, East Brunswick, N.J.
Louis F. Aversano, Jr, 58, Manalapan, N.J.
Ezra Aviles, 41, Commack, N.Y.
Alona Avraham, 30, Asdod, Israel.
Ayodeji Awe, 42, New York, N.Y
Samuel (Sandy) Ayala, 36, New York, N.Y.
Arlene T. Babakitis, 47, Secaucus, N.J.
Eustace (Rudy) Bacchus, 48, Metuchen, N.J.
John James Badagliacca, 35, New York, N.Y.
Jane Ellen Baeszler, 43, New York, N.Y.
Robert J. Baierwalter, 44, Albertson, N.Y.
Garnet Edward (Ace) Bailey, 54, Lynnfield, Mass.
Andrew J. Bailey, 29, New York, N.Y.
Brett T. Bailey, 28, Bricktown, N.J.
Tatyana Bakalinskaya, 43, New York, N.Y.
Michael S. Baksh, 36, Englewood, N.J.
Sharon Balkcom, 43, White Plains, N.Y.
Michael Andrew Bane, 33, Yardley, Pa.
Kathy Bantis, 44, Chicago, Ill.
Gerard Jean Baptiste, 35, New York, N.Y.
Walter Baran, 42, New York, N.Y.
Gerard A. Barbara, 53, New York, N.Y.
Paul V. Barbaro, 35, Holmdel, N.J.
James W. Barbella, 53, Oceanside, N.Y.
Ivan Kyrillos Fairbanks Barbosa, 30, Jersey City, N.J.
Victor Daniel Barbosa, 23, New York, N.Y.
Christine Barbuto, 32, Brookline, Massachusetts
Colleen Ann Barkow, 26, East Windsor, N.J.
David Michael Barkway, 34, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Melissa Rose Barnes, 27, Redlands, Calif.
Matthew Barnes, 37, Monroe, N.Y.
Sheila Patricia Barnes, 55, Bay Shore, N.Y.
Evan J. Baron, 38, Bridgewater, N.J.
Renee Barrett-Arjune, 41, Irvington, N.J.
Arthur T. Barry, 35, New York, N.Y.
Diane G. Barry, 60, New York, N.Y.
Maurice Vincent Barry, 49, Rutherford, N.J.
Scott D. Bart, 28, Malverne, N.Y.
Carlton W. Bartels, 44, New York, N.Y.
Guy Barzvi, 29, New York, N.Y.
Inna Basina, 43, New York, N.Y.
Alysia Basmajian, 23, Bayonne, N.J.
Kenneth William Basnicki, 48, Etobicoke, Ontario, Canada
Lt. Steven J. Bates, 42, New York, N.Y.
Paul James Battaglia, 22, New York, N.Y.
W. David Bauer, 45, Rumson, N.J.
Ivhan Luis Carpio Bautista, 24, New York, N.Y.
Marlyn C. Bautista, 46, Iselin, N.J.
Mark Bavis, 31, West Newton, Mass.
Jasper Baxter, 45, Philadelphia, Pa.
Lorraine G. Bay, 58, East Windsor, N.J.
Michele (Du Berry) Beale, 37, Essex, Britain
Todd Beamer, 32, Cranbury, N.J.
Paul F. Beatini, 40, Park Ridge, N.J.
Jane S. Beatty, 53, Belford, N.J.
Alan Beaven, 48, Oakland, CA
Larry I. Beck, 38, Baldwin, N.Y.
Manette Marie Beckles, 43, Rahway, N.J.
Carl John Bedigian, 35, New York, N.Y.
Michael Beekman, 39, New York, N.Y.
Maria Behr, 41, Milford, N.J.
(Retired) Master Sgt. Max Beilke, 69, Laurel, Md.
Yelena Belilovsky, 38, Mamaroneck, N.Y.
Nina Patrice Bell, 39, New York, N.Y.
Andrea Della Bella, 59, Jersey City, N.J.
Debbie S. Bellows, 30, East Windsor, N.J.
Stephen Elliot Belson, 51, New York, N.Y.
Paul Michael Benedetti, 32, New York, N.Y.
Denise Lenore Benedetto, 40, New York, N.Y.
Bryan Craig Bennett, 25, New York, N.Y.
Oliver Duncan Bennett, 29, London, England
Eric L. Bennett, 29, New York, N.Y.
Margaret L. Benson, 52, Rockaway, N.J.
Dominick J. Berardi, 25, New York, N.Y.
James Patrick Berger, 44, Lower Makefield, Pa.
Steven Howard Berger, 45, Manalapan, N.J.
John P. Bergin, 39, New York, N.Y.
Alvin Bergsohn, 48, Baldwin Harbor, N.Y.
Daniel D. Bergstein, 38, Teaneck, N.J.
Graham Andrew Berkeley, 37, Boston, Mass.
Michael J. Berkeley, 38, New York, N.Y.
Donna Bernaerts-Kearns, 44, Hoboken, N.J.
David W. Bernard, 57, Chelmsford, Mass.
William Bernstein, 44, New York, N.Y.
David M. Berray, 39, New York, N.Y.
David S. Berry, 43, New York, N.Y.
Joseph J. Berry, 55, Saddle River, N.J.
William Reed Bethke, 36, Hamilton, N.J.
Yeneneh Betru, 35, Burbank, Calif
Timothy D. Betterly, 42, Little Silver, N.J.
Carolyn Beug, 48, Los Angeles, California
Edward F. Beyea, 42, New York, N.Y.
Paul Michael Beyer, 37, New York, N.Y.
Anil T. Bharvaney, 41, East Windsor, N.J.
Bella Bhukhan, 24, Union, N.J.
Shimmy D. Biegeleisen, 42, New York, N.Y.
Peter Alexander Bielfeld, 44, New York, N.Y.
William Biggart, 54, New York, N.Y.
Brian Bilcher, 36, New York, N.Y.
Mark K. Bingham, 31, San Francisco, Calif.
Carl Vincent Bini, 44, New York, N.Y.
Gary Bird, 51, Tempe, Ariz.
Joshua David Birnbaum, 24, New York, N.Y.
George Bishop, 52, Granite Springs, N.Y.
Kris Romeo Bishundat, 23, Waldorf, Md.
Jeffrey D. Bittner, 27, New York, N.Y.
Balewa Albert Blackman, 26, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Joseph Blackwell, 42, Patterson, N.Y.
Carrie Blagburn, 48, Temple Hills, Md.
Susan L. Blair, 35, East Brunswick, N.J.
Harry Blanding, 38, Blakeslee, Pa.
Janice L. Blaney, 55, Williston Park, N.Y.
Craig Michael Blass, 27, Greenlawn, N.Y.
Rita Blau, 52, New York, N.Y.
Richard M. Blood, 38, Ridgewood, N.J.
Michael A. Boccardi, 30, Bronxville, N.Y.
John Paul Bocchi, 38, New Vernon, N.J.
Michael L. Bocchino, 45, New York, N.Y.
Susan Mary Bochino, 36, New York, N.Y.
Deora Frances Bodley, 20, San Diego, Calif.
Bruce Douglas (Chappy) Boehm, 49, West Hempstead, N.Y.
Mary Katherine Boffa, 45, New York, N.Y.
Nicholas A. Bogdan, 34, Browns Mills, N.J.
Darren C. Bohan, 34, New York, N.Y.
Lawrence Francis Boisseau, 36, Freehold, N.J.
Vincent M. Boland, 25, Ringwood, N.J.
Touri Bolourchi, 69, Beverly Hills, Calif.
Alan Bondarenko, 53, Flemington, N.J.
Andre Bonheur, 40, New York, N.Y.
Colin Arthur Bonnett, 39, New York, N.Y.
Frank Bonomo, 42, Port Jefferson, N.Y.
Yvonne L. Bonomo, 30, New York, N.Y.
Sean Booker, 35, Irvington, N.J.
Kelly Ann Booms, 24, Brookline, Mass.
Lt. Col. Canfield D. Boone, 54, Clifton, Va.
Mary Jane (MJ) Booth, 64, Falls Church, Va.
Sherry Ann Bordeaux, 38, Jersey City, N.J.
Krystine C. Bordenabe, 33, Old Bridge, N.J.
Martin Boryczewski, 29, Parsippany, N.J.
Richard E. Bosco, 34, Suffern, N.Y.
Klaus Bothe, 31, Linkenheim, Baden-Wurttemberg, Germany
Carol Bouchard, 43, Warwick, Rhode Island
John Howard Boulton, 29, New York, N.Y.
Francisco Bourdier, 41, New York, N.Y.
Thomas H. Bowden, 36, Wyckoff, N.J.
Donna Bowen, 42, Waldorf, Md.
Kimberly S. Bowers, 31, Islip, N.Y.
Veronique (Bonnie) Nicole Bowers, 28, New York, N.Y.
Larry Bowman, 46, New York, N.Y.
Shawn Edward Bowman, 28, New York, N.Y.
Kevin L. Bowser, 45, Philadelphia, Pa.
Gary R. Box, 37, North Bellmore, N.Y.
Gennady Boyarsky, 34, New York, N.Y.
Pamela Boyce, 43, New York, N.Y.
Allen Boyle, 30, Fredericksburg, Va.
Michael Boyle, 37, Westbury, N.Y.
Alfred Braca, 54, Leonardo, N.J.
Sandra Conaty Brace, 60, New York, N.Y.
Kevin H. Bracken, 37, New York, N.Y.
Sandra W. Bradshaw, 38, Greensboro, N.C.
David Brian Brady, 41, Summit, N.J.
Alexander Braginsky, 38, Stamford, Conn.
Nicholas W. Brandemarti, 21, Mantua, N.J.
Daniel R. Brandhorst, 41, Los Angeles, Calif
David Reed Gamboa Brandhorst, 3, Los Angeles, Calif.
Michelle Renee Bratton, 23, Yonkers, N.Y.
Patrice Braut, 31, New York, N.Y.
Lydia Estelle Bravo, 50, Dunellen, N.J.
Ronald Michael Breitweiser, 39, Middletown Township, N.J.
Edward A. Brennan, 37, New York, N.Y.
Frank H. Brennan, 50, New York, N.Y.
Michael Emmett Brennan, 27, New York, N.Y.
Peter Brennan, 30, Ronkonkoma, N.Y.
Thomas M. Brennan, 32, Scarsdale, N.Y.
Capt. Daniel Brethel, 43, Farmingdale, N.Y.
Gary L. Bright, 36, Union City, N.J.
Jonathan Eric Briley, 43, Mount Vernon, N.Y.
Mark A. Brisman, 34, Armonk, N.Y.
Paul Gary Bristow, 27, New York, N.Y.
Victoria Alvarez Brito, 38, New York, N.Y.
Marion Britton, 53, New York, N.Y.
Mark Francis Broderick, 42, Old Bridge, N.J.
Herman C. Broghammer, 58, North Merrick, N.Y.
Keith Broomfield, 49, New York, N.Y.
Bernard Curtis Brown, 11, Washington, D.C.
Janice J. Brown, 35, New York, N.Y.
Lloyd Brown, 28, Bronxville, N.Y.
Capt. Patrick J. Brown, 48, New York, N.Y.
Bettina Browne, 49, Atlantic Beach, N.Y.
Mark Bruce, 40, Summit, N.J.
Richard Bruehert, 38, Westbury, N.Y.
Andrew Brunn, 28
Capt. Vincent Brunton, 43, New York, N.Y.
Ronald Paul Bucca, 47, Tuckahoe, N.Y.
Brandon J. Buchanan, 24, New York, N.Y.
Greg Joseph Buck, 37, New York, N.Y.
Dennis Buckley, 38, Chatham, N.J.
Nancy Bueche, 43, Hicksville, N.Y.
Patrick Joseph Buhse, 36, Lincroft, N.J.
John E. Bulaga, 35, Paterson, N.J.
Stephen Bunin, 45, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Lee Burford, 23, Hubert, N.C.
Thomas Daniel Burke, 38, Bedford Hills, N.Y.
Capt. William F. Burke, 46, New York, N.Y.
Matthew J. Burke, 28, New York, N.Y.
Charles Burlingame, 51, Herndon, Va.
Thomas E. Burnett Jr., 38, San Ramon, Calif.
Donald James Burns, 61, Nissequogue, N.Y.
Kathleen A. Burns, 49, New York, N.Y.
Keith James Burns, 39, East Rutherford, N.J.
John Patrick Burnside, 36, New York, N.Y.
Irina Buslo, 32, New York, N.Y.
Milton Bustillo, 37, New York, N.Y.
Thomas M. Butler, 37, Kings Park, N.Y.
Patrick Byrne, 39, New York, N.Y.
Timothy G. Byrne, 36, Manhattan, N.Y.
Daniel Martin Caballero, 21, Houston, Texas
Jesus Cabezas, 66, New York, N.Y.
Lillian Caceres, 48, New York, N.Y.
Brian Joseph Cachia, 26, New York, N.Y.
Steven Cafiero, 31, New York, N.Y.
Richard M. Caggiano, 25, New York, N.Y.
Cecile M. Caguicla, 55, Boonton, N.J.
John Brett Cahill, 56, Wellesley, Mass.
Michael John Cahill, 37, East Williston, N.Y.
Scott W. Cahill, 30, West Caldwell, N.J.
Thomas J. Cahill, 36, Franklin Lakes, N.J.
George Cain, 35, Massapequa, N.Y.
Salvatore B. Calabro, 38, New York, N.Y.
Joseph Calandrillo, 49, Hawley, Pa.
Philip V. Calcagno, 57, New York, N.Y.
Sgt. 1st Class Jose Orlando Calderon-Olmedo, 44, Annandale, Va.
Edward Calderon, 44, Jersey City, N.J.
Kenneth Marcus Caldwell, 30, New York, N.Y.
Dominick E. Calia, 40, Manalapan, N.J.
Felix (Bobby) Calixte, 38, New York, N.Y.
Capt. Frank Callahan, 51, New York, N.Y.
Liam Callahan, 44, Rockaway, N.J.
Suzanne Calley, 42, San Martin, Calif.
Luigi Calvi, 34, East Rutherford, N.J.
Roko Camaj, 60, Manhasset, N.Y.
Michael Cammarata, 22, Huguenot, N.Y.
David Otey Campbell, 51, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Geoffrey Thomas Campbell, 31, New York, N.Y.
Sandra Patricia Campbell, 45, New York, N.Y.
Jill Marie Campbell, 31, New York, N.Y.
Robert Arthur Campbell, 25, New York, N.Y.
Juan Ortega Campos, 32, New York, N.Y.
Sean Canavan, 39, New York, N.Y.
John A. Candela, 42, Glen Ridge, N.J.
Vincent Cangelosi, 30, New York, N.Y.
Stephen J. Cangialosi, 40, Middletown, N.J.
Lisa B. Cannava, 30, New York, N.Y.
Brian Cannizzaro, 30, New York, N.Y.
Michael R. Canty, 30, Schenectady, N.Y.
Louis A. Caporicci, 35, New York, N.Y.
Jonathan N. Cappello, 23, Garden City, N.Y.
James Christopher Cappers, 33, Wading River, N.Y.
Richard M. Caproni, 34, Lynbrook, N.Y.
Jose Cardona, 32, New York, N.Y.
Dennis M Carey, 51, Wantagh, N.Y.
Edward Carlino, 46, New York, N.Y.
Michael Scott Carlo, 34, New York, N.Y.
David G. Carlone, 46, Randolph, N.J.
Rosemarie C. Carlson, 40, New York, N.Y.
Mark Stephen Carney, 41, Rahway, N.J.
Joyce Ann Carpeneto, 40, New York, N.Y.
Alicia Acevedo Carranza, Teziutlan, Puebla, Mexico
Jeremy M. Carrington, 34, New York, N.Y.
Michael T. Carroll, 39, New York, N.Y.
Peter Carroll, 42, New York, N.Y.
James J. Carson, 32, Massapequa, N.Y.
Christoffer Carstanjen, 33, Turner Falls, Mass.
Angelene C. Carter, 51, Forrestville, Md.
James Marcel Cartier, 26, New York, N.Y.
Sharon Carver, 38, Waldorf, Md.
Vivian Casalduc, 45, New York, N.Y.
John F. Casazza, 38, Colts Neck, N.J.
Paul Cascio, 23, Manhasset, N.Y.
Neilie Anne Heffernan Casey, 32, Wellesley, Massachusetts
Kathleen Hunt Casey, 43, Middletown, N.J.
William Cashman, 57, North Bergen, N.J.
Margarito Casillas, 54, Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico
Thomas Anthony Casoria, 29, New York, N.Y.
William Otto Caspar, 57, Eatontown, N.J.
Alejandro Castano, 35, Englewood, N.J.
Arcelia Castillo, 49, Elizabeth, N.J.
Leonard M. Castrianno, 30, New York, N.Y.
Jose Ramon Castro, 37, New York, N.Y.
William Caswell, 54, Silver Spring, Md.
Richard G. Catarelli, 47, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Sean Caton, 34, New York, N.Y.
Robert J. Caufield, 48, Valley Stream, N.Y.
Mary Teresa Caulfield, 58, New York, N.Y.
Judson Cavalier, 26, Huntington, N.Y.
Michael Joseph Cawley, 32, Bellmore, N.Y.
Jason D. Cayne, 32, Morganville, N.J.
Juan Armando Ceballos, 47, New York, N.Y.
Marcia G. Cecil-Carter, 34, New York, N.Y.
Jason Cefalu, 30, West Hempstead, N.Y.
Thomas J. Celic, 43, New York, N.Y.
Ana M. Centeno, 38, Bayonne, N.J.
Joni Cesta, 37, Bellmore, N.Y.
John J. Chada, 55, Manassas, Va.
Jeffrey M. Chairnoff, 35, West Windsor, N.J.
Swarna Chalasani, 33, Jersey City, N.J.
William Chalcoff, 41, Roslyn, N.Y.
Eli Chalouh, 23, New York, N.Y.
Charles Lawrence (Chip) Chan, 23, New York, N.Y.
Mandy Chang, 40, New York, N.Y.
Rosa Maria (Rosemary) Chapa, 64, Springfield, Va.
Mark L. Charette, 38, Millburn, N.J.
David M. Charlebois, 39, Washington, D.C
Gregorio Manuel Chavez, 48, New York, N.Y.
Jayceryll M. de Chavez, 24, Carteret, N.J.
Pedro Francisco Checo, 35, New York, N.Y.
Douglas MacMillan Cherry, 38, Maplewood, N.J.
Stephen Patrick Cherry, 41, Stamford, Conn.
Vernon Paul Cherry, 49, New York, N.Y.
Nestor Chevalier, 30, New York, N.Y.
Swede Joseph Chevalier, 26, Locust, N.J.
Alexander H. Chiang, 51, New City, N.Y.
Dorothy J. Chiarchiaro, 61, Glenwood, N.J.
Luis Alfonso Chimbo, 39, New York, N.Y.
Robert Chin, 33, New York, N.Y.
Wing Wai (Eddie) Ching, 29, Union, N.J.
Nicholas P. Chiofalo, 39, Selden, N.Y.
John Chipura, 39, New York, N.Y.
Peter A. Chirchirillo, 47, Langhorne, Pa.
Catherine E. Chirls, 47, Princeton, N.J.
Kyung (Kaccy) Cho, 30, Clifton, N.J.
Abul K. Chowdhury, 30, New York, N.Y.
Mohammed Salahuddin Chowdhury, 38, New York, N.Y.
Kirsten L. Christophe, 39, Maplewood, N.J.
Pamela Chu, 31, New York, N.Y.
Steven Paul Chucknick, 44, Cliffwood Beach, N.J.
Wai-ching Chung, 36, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Ciafardini, 30, New York, N.Y.
Alex F. Ciccone, 38, New Rochelle, N.Y.
Frances Ann Cilente, 26, New York, N.Y.
Elaine Cillo, 40, New York, N.Y.
Edna Cintron, 46, New York, N.Y.
Nestor Andre Cintron, 26, New York, N.Y.
Lt. Robert Dominick Cirri, 39, Nutley, N.J.
Juan Pablo Alvarez Cisneros, 23, Weehawken, N.J.
Sarah Clark, 65, Columbia, Md.
Gregory Alan Clark, 40, Teaneck, N.J.
Mannie Leroy Clark, 54, New York, N.Y.
Thomas R. Clark, 37, Summit, N.J.
Eugene Clark, 47, New York, N.Y.
Benjamin Keefe Clark, 39, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Robert Clarke, 34, Philadelphia, Pa.
Donna Clarke, 39, New York, N.Y.
Michael Clarke, 27, Prince's Bay, N.Y.
Suria R.E. Clarke, 30, New York, N.Y.
Kevin Francis Cleary, 38, New York, N.Y.
James D. Cleere, 55, Newton, Iowa
Geoffrey W. Cloud, 36, Stamford, Conn.
Susan M. Clyne, 42, Lindenhurst, N.Y.
Steven Coakley, 36, Deer Park, N.Y.
Jeffrey Coale, 31, Souderton, Pa.
Patricia A. Cody, 46, Brigantine, N.J.
Daniel Michael Coffey, 54, Newburgh, N.Y.
Jason Matthew Coffey, 25, Newburgh, N.Y.
Florence Cohen, 62, New York, N.Y.
Kevin Sanford Cohen, 28, Edison, N.J.
Anthony Joseph Coladonato, 47, New York, N.Y.
Mark J. Colaio, 34, New York, N.Y.
Stephen J. Colaio, 32, Montauk, N.Y.
Christopher M. Colasanti, 33, Hoboken, N.J.
Michel Paris Colbert, 39, West New York, N.J.
Kevin Nathaniel Colbert, 25, New York, N.Y.
Keith Eugene Coleman, 34, Warren, N.J.
Scott Thomas Coleman, 31, New York, N.Y.
Tarel Coleman, 32
Liam Joseph Colhoun, 34, Flushing,, N.Y.
Robert D. Colin, 49, West Babylon, N.Y.
Robert J. Coll, 35, Glen Ridge, N.J.
Jean Marie Collin, 42, New York, N.Y.
John Michael Collins, 42, New York, N.Y.
Michael L. Collins, 38, Montclair, N.J.
Thomas J. Collins, 36, New York, N.Y.
Joseph Collison, 50, New York, N.Y.
Jeffrey Collman, 41, Novato, Calif.
Patricia Malia Colodner, 39, New York, N.Y.
Linda M. Colon, 46, Perrineville, N.J.
Soledi Colon, 39, New York, N.Y.
Ronald Comer, 56, Northport, N.Y.
Jaime Concepcion, 46, New York, N.Y.
Albert Conde, 62, Englishtown, N.J.
Denease Conley, 44, New York, N.Y.
Susan Clancy Conlon, 41, New York, N.Y.
Margaret Mary Conner, 57, New York, N.Y.
John E. Connolly, 46, Allenwood, N.J.
Cynthia L. Connolly, 40, Metuchen, N.J.
James Lee Connor, 38, Summit, N.J.
Jonathan (J.C.) Connors, 55, Old Brookville, N.Y.
Kevin P. Connors, 55, Greenwich, Conn.
Kevin Francis Conroy, 47, New York, N.Y.
Brenda E. Conway, 40, New York, N.Y.
Dennis Michael Cook, 33, Colts Neck, N.J.
Helen D. Cook, 24, New York, N.Y.
Jeffrey Coombs, 42, Abington, Massachusetts
Julian Cooper, 39, Springdale, Md.
John A. Cooper, 40, Bayonne, N.J.
Zandra Cooper, Annandale, Va.
Joseph J. Coppo, 47, New Canaan, Conn.
Gerard J. Coppola, 46, New Providence, N.J.
Joseph Albert Corbett, 28, Islip, N.Y.
John (Jay) J. Corcoran, 43, Norwell, Mass
Alejandro Cordero, 23, New York, N.Y.
Robert Cordice, 28, New York, N.Y.
Ruben D. Correa, 44, New York, N.Y.
Danny A. Correa-Gutierrez, 25, Fairview, N.J.
Georgine Rose Corrigan, 56, Honolulu, Hawaii
James Corrigan, 60, New York, N.Y.
Carlos Cortes, 57, New York, N.Y.
Kevin M. Cosgrove, 46, West Islip, N.Y.
Dolores Marie Costa, 53, Middletown, N.J.
Digna Alexandra Rivera Costanza, 25, New York, N.Y.
Charles Gregory Costello, 46, Old Bridge, N.J.
Michael S. Costello, 27, Hoboken, N.J.
Asia Cottom, 11, Washington, D.C.
Conrod K.H. Cottoy, 51, New York, N.Y.
Martin Coughlan, 54, New York, N.Y.
Sgt. John Gerard Coughlin, 43, Pomona, N.Y.
Timothy John Coughlin, 42, New York, N.Y.
James E. Cove, 48, Rockville Centre, N.Y.
Andre Cox, 29, New York, N.Y.
Frederick John Cox, 27, New York, N.Y.
James Raymond Coyle, 26, New York, N.Y.
Michelle Coyle-Eulau, 38, Garden City, N.Y.
Anne M. Cramer, 47, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Seton Cramer, 34, Manahawkin, N.J.
Lt. Cmdr. Eric Allen Cranford, 32, Drexel, N.C.
Denise Crant, 46, Hackensack, N.J.
Robert James Crawford, 62, New York, N.Y.
James L. Crawford, 33, Madison, N.J.
Tara Creamer, 30, Worcester, Massachusetts
Joanne Mary Cregan, 32, New York, N.Y.
Lucia Crifasi, 51, Glendale, N.Y.
Lt. John Crisci, 48, Holbrook, N.Y.
Daniel Hal Crisman, 25, New York, N.Y.
Dennis A. Cross, 60, Islip Terrace, N.Y.
Helen Crossin-Kittle, 34, Larchmont, N.Y.
Kevin Raymond Crotty, 43, Summit, N.J.
Thomas G. Crotty, 42, Rockville Centre, N.Y.
John Crowe, 57, Rutherford, N.J.
Welles Remy Crowther, 24, Upper Nyack, N.Y.
Robert L. Cruikshank, 64, New York, N.Y.
Francisco Cruz, 47, New York, N.Y.
John Robert Cruz, 32, Jersey City, N.J.
Kenneth John Cubas, 48, Woodstock, N.Y.
Thelma Cuccinello, 71, Wilmot, New Hampshire
Richard Joseph Cudina, 46, Glen Gardner, N.J.
Neil James Cudmore, 38, Port Washington, N.Y.
Thomas Patrick Cullen, 31, New York, N.Y.
Joan McConnell Cullinan, 47, Scarsdale, N.Y.
Joyce Cummings, 65
Brian Thomas Cummins, 38, Manasquan, N.J.
Nilton Albuquerque Fernao Cunha, 41
Michael Joseph Cunningham, 39, Princeton Junction, N.J.
Robert Curatolo, 31, New York, N.Y.
Laurence Curia, 41, Garden City, N.Y.
Paul Dario Curioli, 53, Norwalk, Conn.
Patrick Currivan, 52, Winchester, Mass.
Beverly Curry, 41, New York, N.Y.
Sgt. Michael Curtin, 45, Medford, N.Y.
Patricia Cushing, 69, Bayonne, N.J.
Gavin Cushny, 47, Hoboken, N.J.
Caleb Arron Dack, 39, Montclair, N.J.
Carlos S. DaCosta, 41, Elizabeth, N.J.
Jason Dahl, 43, Denver, Colo.
Brian Dale, 43, Warren, New Jersey
John D'Allara, 47, Pearl River, N.Y.
Vincent D'Amadeo, 36, East Patchoque, N.Y.
Thomas A. Damaskinos, 33, Matawan, N.J.
Jack L. D'Ambrosi, 45, Woodcliff Lake, N.J.
Jeannine Marie Damiani-Jones, 28, New York, N.Y.
Patrick W. Danahy, 35, Yorktown Heights, N.Y.
Nana Kwuku Danso, 47, New York, N.Y.
Mary D'Antonio, 55, New York, N.Y.
Vincent G. Danz, 38, Farmingdale, N.Y.
Dwight Donald Darcy, 55, Bronxville, N.Y.
Elizabeth Ann Darling, 28, Newark, N.J.
Annette Andrea Dataram, 25, New York, N.Y.
Lt. Edward Alexander D'Atri, 38, New York, N.Y.
Michael D. D'Auria, 25, New York, N.Y.
Lawrence Davidson, 51, New York, N.Y.
Michael Allen Davidson, 27, Westfield, N.J.
Scott Matthew Davidson, 33, New York, N.Y.
Titus Davidson, 55, New York, N.Y.
Niurka Davila, 47, New York, N.Y.
Ada M. Davis, 57, Camp Springs, Md.
Clinton Davis, 38, New York, N.Y.
Wayne Terrial Davis, 29, Fort Meade, Md.
Calvin Dawson, 46, New York, N.Y.
Anthony Richard Dawson, 32, Southampton, Hampshire, England
Edward James Day, 45, New York, N.Y.
Emerita (Emy) De La Pena, 32, New York, N.Y.
Melanie Louise De Vere, 30, London, England
William T. Dean, 35, Floral Park, N.Y.
Robert J. DeAngelis, 48, West Hempstead, N.Y.
Thomas P. Deangelis, 51, Westbury, N.Y.
Dorothy Alma DeAraujo, 80, Long Beach, Calif.
Ana Gloria Pocasangre de Barrera, 49, San Salvador, El Salvador
Tara Debek, 35, Babylon, N.Y.
James Debeuneure, 58, Upper Marlboro, Md.
Anna Debin, 30, East Farmingdale, N.Y.
James V. DeBlase, 45, Manalapan, N.J.
Paul DeCola, 39, Ridgewood, N.Y.
Capt. Gerald Francis Deconto, 44, Sandwich, Mass.
Simon Dedvukaj, 26, Mohegan Lake, N.Y.
Jason Christopher DeFazio, 29, New York, N.Y.
David A. Defeo, 37, New York, N.Y.
Jennifer DeJesus, 23, New York, N.Y.
Monique E. DeJesus, 28, New York, N.Y.
Nereida DeJesus, 30, New York, N.Y.
Donald A. Delapenha, 37, Allendale, N.J.
Vito Joseph Deleo, 41, New York, N.Y.
Danielle Delie, 47, New York, N.Y.
Colleen Ann Deloughery, 41, Bayonne, N.J.
Joseph Deluca, 52, Ledgewood, N.J.
Francis (Frank) Albert DeMartini, 49, New York, N.Y.
Anthony Demas, 61, New York, N.Y.
Martin DeMeo, 47, Farmingville, N.Y.
Francis X. Deming, 47, Franklin Lakes, N.J.
Carol K. Demitz, 49, New York, N.Y.
Kevin Dennis, 43, Peapack, N.J.
Thomas F. Dennis, 43, Setauket, N.Y.
Jean C. DePalma, 42, Newfoundland, N.J.
Jose Nicolas Depena, 42, New York, N.Y.
Robert J. Deraney, 43, New York, N.Y.
Michael DeRienzo, 37, Hoboken, N.J.
David Paul Derubbio, 38, New York, N.Y.
Jemal Legesse DeSantis, 28, Jersey City, N.J.
Christian L. DeSimone, 23, Ringwood, N.J.
Edward DeSimone, 36, Atlantic Highlands, N.J.
Lt. Andrew Desperito, 44, Patchogue, N.Y.
Michael Jude D'Esposito, 32, Morganville, N.J.
Cindy Ann Deuel, 28, New York, N.Y.
Jerry DeVito, 66, New York, N.Y.
Robert P. Devitt, 36, Plainsboro, N.J.
Dennis Lawrence Devlin, 51, Washingtonville, N.Y.
Gerard Dewan, 35, New York, N.Y.
Simon Suleman Ali Kassamali Dhanani, 62, Hartsdale, N.Y.
Michael L. DiAgostino, 41, Garden City, N.Y.
Matthew Diaz, 33, New York, N.Y.
Nancy Diaz, 28, New York, N.Y.
Obdulio Ruiz Diaz, 44, New York, N.Y.
Lourdes Galletti Diaz, 32, New York, N.Y.
Michael Diaz-Piedra, 49
Judith Belguese Diaz-Sierra, 32, Bay Shore, N.Y.
Patricia F. DiChiaro, 63, New York, N.Y.
Rodney Dickens, 11, Washington, D.C.
Lt. Col. Jerry Don Dickerson, 41, Durant, Miss.
Joseph Dermot Dickey, 50, Manhasset, N.Y.
Lawrence Patrick Dickinson, 35, Morganville, N.J.
Michael David Diehl, 48, Brick, N.J.
John DiFato, 39, New York, N.Y.
Vincent F. DiFazio, 43, Hampton, N.J.
Carl DiFranco, 27, New York, N.Y.
Donald J. DiFranco, 43, New York, N.Y.
Eddie Dillard, Alexandria, Va.
Debra Ann DiMartino, 36, New York, N.Y.
David DiMeglio, 22, Wakefield, Mass.
Stephen P. Dimino, 48, Basking Ridge, N.J.
William J. Dimmling, 47, Garden City, N.Y.
Christopher Dincuff, 31, Jersey City, N.J.
Jeffrey M. Dingle, 32, New York, N.Y.
Anthony DiOnisio, 38, Glen Rock, N.J.
George DiPasquale, 33, New York, N.Y.
Joseph DiPilato, 57, New York, N.Y.
Douglas Frank DiStefano, 24, Hoboken, N.J.
Donald Americo DiTullio, 49, Peabody, Mass.
Ramzi A. Doany, 35, Bayonne, N.J., Jordanian
Johnnie Doctor, 32, Jacksonville, Fla.
John J. Doherty, 58, Hartsdale, N.Y.
Melissa C. Doi, 32, New York, N.Y.
Capt. Robert Edward Dolan, 43, Alexandria, Va.
Brendan Dolan, 37, Glen Rock, N.J.
Neil Dollard, 28, Hoboken, N.J.
James Joseph Domanico, 56, New York, N.Y.
Benilda Pascua Domingo, 37, New York, N.Y.
Albert Dominguez, 66, Sydney, Australia
Charles (Carlos) Dominguez, 34, East Meadow, N.Y.
Geronimo (Jerome) Mark Patrick Dominguez, 37, Holtsville, N.Y.
Lt. Kevin W. Donnelly, 43, New York, N.Y.
Cmdr. William Howard Donovan, 37, Nunda, N.Y.
Jacqueline Donovan, 34, New York, N.Y.
Stephen Dorf, 39, New Milford, N.J.
Thomas Dowd, 37, Monroe, N.Y.
Lt. Kevin Christopher Dowdell, 46, New York, N.Y.
Mary Yolanda Dowling, 46, New York, N.Y.
Raymond M. Downey, 63, Deer Park, N.Y.
Joseph M. Doyle, 25, New York, N.Y.
Frank Joseph Doyle, 39, Englewood, N.J.
Randy Drake, 37, Lee's Summit, Mo.
Patrick Joseph Driscoll, 70, Manalapan, N.J.
Stephen Patrick Driscoll, 38, Lake Carmel, N.Y.
Charles Droz, 52, Springfield, Va.
Mirna A. Duarte, 31, New York, N.Y.
Luke A. Dudek, 50, Livingston, N.J.
Christopher Michael Duffy, 23, New York, N.Y.
Gerard Duffy, 53, Manorville, N.Y.
Michael Joseph Duffy, 29, Northport, N.Y.
Thomas W. Duffy, 52, Pittsford, N.Y.
Antoinette Duger, 44, Belleville, N.J.
Jackie Sayegh Duggan, 34
Sareve Dukat, 53, New York, N.Y.
Cmdr. Patrick S. Dunn, 39, Springfield, Va.
Christopher Joseph Dunne, 28, Mineola, N.Y.
Richard A. Dunstan, 54, New Providence, N.J.
Patrick Thomas Dwyer, 37, Nissequogue, N.Y.
Joseph Anthony Eacobacci, 26, New York, N.Y.
John Bruce Eagleson, 53, Middlefield, Conn.
Edward Thomas Earhart, 26, Salt Lick, Ky.
Robert D. Eaton, 37, Manhasset, N.Y.
Dean P. Eberling, 44, Cranford, N.J.
Margaret Ruth Echtermann, 33, Hoboken, N.J.
Paul Robert Eckna, 28, West New York, N.J.
Constantine (Gus) Economos, 41, New York, N.Y.
Barbara G. Edwards, 58, Las Vegas, Nev.
Dennis Michael Edwards, 35, Huntington, N.Y.
Michael Hardy Edwards, 33, New York, N.Y.
Lisa Egan, 31, Cliffside Park, N.J.
Capt. Martin Egan, 36, New York, N.Y.
Michael Egan, 51, Middletown, N.J.
Christine Egan, 55, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Samantha Egan, 24, Jersey City, N.J.
Carole Eggert, 60, New York, N.Y.
Lisa Caren Weinstein Ehrlich, 36, New York, N.Y.
John Ernst (Jack) Eichler, 69, Cedar Grove, N.J.
Eric Adam Eisenberg, 32, Commack, N.Y.
Daphne F. Elder, 36, Newark, N.J.
Michael J. Elferis, 27, College Point, N.Y.
Mark J. Ellis, 26, South Huntington, N.Y.
Valerie Silver Ellis, 46, New York, N.Y.
Albert Alfy William Elmarry, 30, North Brunswick, N.J.
Lt. Cmdr. Robert Randolph Elseth, 37, Vestal, N.Y.
Edgar H. Emery, 45, Clifton, N.J.
Doris Suk-Yuen Eng, 30, New York, N.Y.
Christopher S. Epps, 29, New York, N.Y.
Ulf Ramm Ericson, 79, Greenwich, Conn.
Erwin L. Erker, 41, Farmingdale, N.Y.
William J. Erwin, 30, Verona, N.J.
Sarah (Ali) Escarcega, 35, New York, N.Y.
Jose Espinal, 31
Fanny M. Espinoza, 29, Teaneck, N.J.
Francis Esposito, 32, New York, N.Y.
Lt. Michael Esposito, 41, New York, N.Y.
William Esposito, 51, Bellmore, N.Y.
Brigette Ann Esposito, 34, New York, N.Y.
Ruben Esquilin, 35, New York, N.Y.
Sadie Ette, 36, New York, N.Y.
Barbara G. Etzold, 43, Jersey City, N.J.
Eric Brian Evans, 31, Weehawken, N.J.
Robert Edward Evans, 36, Franklin Square, N.Y.
Meredith Emily June Ewart, 29, Hoboken, N.J.
Catherine K. Fagan, 58, New York, N.Y.
Patricia M. Fagan, 55, Toms River, N.J.
Keith G. Fairben, 24, Floral Park, N.Y.
Charles S. Falkenberg, 45, University Park, Md.
Zoe Falkenberg, 8, University Park, Md.
Dana Falkenberg, 3, of University Park, Md.
Jamie Lynn Fallon, 23, Woodbridge, Va.
William Fallon, 38, Coram, N.Y.
William F. Fallon, 53, Rocky Hill, N.J.
Anthony J. Fallone, 39, New York, N.Y.
Dolores B. Fanelli, 38, Farmingville, N.Y.
Robert Fangman, 33, Claymont, Del.
John Joseph Fanning, 54, West Hempstead, N.Y.
Kathleen (Kit) Faragher, 33, Denver, Colo.
Capt. Thomas Farino, 37, Bohemia, N.Y.
Nancy Carole Farley, 45, Jersey City, N.J.
Paige Farley-Hackel, 46, Newton, Mass.
Elizabeth Ann (Betty) Farmer, 62, New York, N.Y.
Douglas Farnum, 33, New York, N.Y.
John W. Farrell, 41, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Terrence Patrick Farrell, 45, Huntington, N.Y.
John G. Farrell, 32, New York, N.Y.
Capt. Joseph Farrelly, 47, New York, N.Y.
Thomas P. Farrelly, 54, East Northport, N.Y.
Syed Abdul Fatha, 54, Newark, N.J.
Christopher Faughnan, 37, South Orange, N.J.
Wendy R. Faulkner, 47, Mason, Ohio
Shannon M. Fava, 30, New York, N.Y.
Bernard D. Favuzza, 52, Suffern, N.Y.
Robert Fazio, 41, Freeport, N.Y.
Ronald C. Fazio, 57, Closter, N.J.
William Feehan, 72, New York, N.Y.
Francis J. (Frank) Feely, 41, Middletown, N.Y.
Garth E. Feeney, 28, New York, N.Y.
Sean B. Fegan, 34, New York, N.Y.
Lee S. Fehling, 28, Wantagh, N.Y.
Peter Feidelberg, 34, Hoboken, N.J.
Alan D. Feinberg, 48, New York, N.Y.
Rosa Maria Feliciano, 30, New York, N.Y.
Edward P. Felt, 41, Matawan, N.J.
Edward T. Fergus, 40, Wilton, Conn.
James Joe Ferguson, 39, Washington, D.C.
George Ferguson, 54, Teaneck, N.J.
Henry Fernandez, 23, New York, N.Y.
Judy H. Fernandez, 27, Parlin, N.J.
Jose Manuel Contreras Fernandez, El Aguacate, Jalisco, Mexico
Elisa Giselle Ferraina, 27, London, England
Anne Marie Sallerin Ferreira, 29, Jersey City, N.J.
Robert John Ferris, 63, Garden City, N.Y.
David Francis Ferrugio, 46, Middletown, N.J.
Louis V. Fersini, 38, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Michael David Ferugio, 37, New York, N.Y.
Bradley James Fetchet, 24, New York, N.Y.
Jennifer Louise Fialko, 29, Teaneck, N.J.
Kristen Fiedel, 27, New York, N.Y.
Amelia V. Fields, 36, Dumfries, Va.
Samuel Fields, 36, New York, N.Y.
Alex Filipov, 70, Concord, Massachusetts
Michael Bradley Finnegan, 37, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Timothy J. Finnerty, 33, Glen Rock, N.J.
Michael Curtis Fiore, 46, New York, N.Y.
Stephen J. Fiorelli, 43, Aberdeen, N.J.
Paul M. Fiori, 31, Yorktown Heights, N.Y.
John Fiorito, 40, Stamford, Conn.
Lt. John R. Fischer, 46, New York, N.Y.
Gerald P. Fisher, 57, Potomac, Md.
Andrew Fisher, 42, New York, N.Y.
Thomas J. Fisher, 36, Union, N.J.
Bennett Lawson Fisher, 58, Stamford, Conn.
John Roger Fisher, 46, Bayonne, N.J.
Lucy Fishman, 37, New York, N.Y.
Ryan D. Fitzgerald, 26, New York, N.Y.
Thomas Fitzpatrick, 35, Tuckahoe, N.Y.
Richard P. Fitzsimons, 57, Lynbrook, N.Y.
Salvatore A. Fiumefreddo, 47, Manalapan, N.J.
Wilson "Bud" Flagg, 63, Millwood, Va.
Darlene Flagg, 63, Millwood, Va.
Christina Donovan Flannery, 26, New York, N.Y.
Eileen Flecha, 33, New York, N.Y.
Andre G. Fletcher, 37, North Babylon, N.Y.
Carl Flickinger, 38, Conyers, N.Y.
Matthew Michael Flocco, 21, Newark, Del.
John Joseph Florio, 33, Oceanside, N.Y.
Joseph W. Flounders, 46, East Stroudsburg, Pa.
Carol Flyzik, 40, Plaistow, N.H.
David Fodor, 38, Garrison, N.Y.
Lt. Michael N. Fodor, 53, Warwick, N.Y.
Steven Mark Fogel, 40, Westfield, N.Y.
Thomas Foley, 32, West Nyack, N.Y.
Jane C. Folger, 73, Bayonne, N.J.
David Fontana, 37, New York, N.Y.
Chih Min (Dennis) Foo, 40, Holmdel, N.J.
Del Rose Forbes-Cheatham, 48, New York, N.Y.
Godwin Forde, 39, New York, N.Y.
Donald A. Foreman, 53, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Hugh Forsythe, 44, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Sandra N. Foster, 41, Clinton, Md.
Claudia Alicia Martinez Foster, 26, New York, N.Y.
Noel J. Foster, 40, Bridgewater, N.J.
Ana Fosteris, 58, Coram, N.Y.
Robert J. Foti, 42, Albertson, N.Y.
Jeffrey L. Fox, 40, Cranbury, N.J.
Virginia Fox, 58, New York, N.Y.
Virgin (Lucy) Francis, 62, New York, N.Y.
Pauline Francis, 57, New York, N.Y.
Joan Francis
Gary J. Frank, 35, South Amboy, N.J.
Morton Frank, 31, New York, N.Y.
Peter Christopher Frank, 29, New York, N.Y.
Colleen Laura Fraser, 51, Elizabeth, N.J.
Richard K. Fraser, 32, New York, N.Y.
Kevin Joseph Frawley, 34, Bronxville, N.Y.
Clyde Frazier, 41, New York, N.Y.
Lillian I. Frederick, 46, Teaneck, N.J.
Andrew Fredericks, 40, Suffern, N.Y.
Tamitha Freemen, 35, New York, N.Y.
Brett O. Freiman, 29, Roslyn, N.Y.
Lt. Peter L. Freund, 45, Westtown, N.Y.
Arlene E. Fried, 49, Roslyn Heights, N.Y.
Alan Wayne Friedlander, 52, Yorktown Heights, N.Y.
Paul Friedman, 45, Belmont, Massachusetts
Andrew K. Friedman, 44, Woodbury, N.Y.
Gregg J. Froehner, 46, Chester, N.J.
Lisa Frost, 22, Rancho Santa Margarita, Calif.
Peter Christian Fry, 36, Wilton, Conn.
Clement Fumando, 59, New York, N.Y.
Steven Elliot Furman, 40, Wesley Hills, N.Y.
Paul James Furmato, 37, Colts Neck, N.J.
Karleton D.B. Fyfe, 31, Brookline, Massachusetts
Fredric Gabler, 30, New York, N.Y.
Richard Gabriel, 54, Great Falls, Va.
Richard S. Gabrielle, 50, West Haven, Conn.
James Andrew Gadiel, 23, New York, N.Y.
Pamela Gaff, 51, Robinsville, N.J.
Ervin Vincent Gailliard, 42, New York, N.Y.
Deanna L. Galante, 32, New York, N.Y.
Grace Galante, 29, New York, N.Y.
Anthony Edward Gallagher, 41, New York, N.Y.
Daniel James Gallagher, 23, Red Bank, N.J.
John Patrick Gallagher, 31, Yonkers, N.Y.
Cono E. Gallo, 30, New York, N.Y.
Vincenzo Gallucci, 36, Monroe Township, N.J.
Thomas Edward Galvin, 32, New York, N.Y.
Giovanna (Genni) Gambale, 27, New York, N.Y.
Thomas Gambino, 48, Babylon, N.Y.
Ronald Gamboa, 33, Los Angeles, Calif.
Giann F. Gamboa, 26, New York, N.Y.
Peter J. Ganci, 55, North Massapequa, N.Y.
Claude Michael Gann, 41, Roswell, Ga.
Lt. Charles William Garbarini, 44, Pleasantville, N.Y.
Andrew Garcia, 62, Portola Valley, Calif.
Cesar Garcia, 36, New York, N.Y.
David Garcia, 40, Freeport, N.Y.
Jorge Luis Morron Garcia, 38, New York, N.Y.
Juan Garcia, 50, New York, N.Y.
Marlyn C. Garcia, 21, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Gardner, 36, Darien, Conn.
Douglas B. Gardner, 39, New York, N.Y.
Harvey J. Gardner, 35, Lakewood, N.J.
Thomas A. Gardner, 39, Oceanside, N.Y.
Jeffrey B. Gardner, 36, Hoboken, N.J.
William Arthur Gardner, 45, Lynbrook, N.Y.
Francesco Garfi, 29, New York, N.Y.
Rocco Gargano, 28, Bayside, N.Y.
James M. Gartenberg, 36, New York, N.Y.
Matthew David Garvey, 37
Bruce Gary, 51, Bellmore, N.Y.
Palmina Delli Gatti, 33, New York, N.Y.
Boyd A. Gatton, 38, Jersey City, N.J.
Donald Richard Gavagan, 35, New York, N.Y.
Peter Gay, 54, Tewksbury, Massachusetts
Terence D. Gazzani, 24, New York, N.Y.
Gary Geidel, 44, New York, N.Y.
Paul Hamilton Geier, 36, Farmingdale, N.Y.
Julie M. Geis, 44, Lees Summit, Mo.
Peter Gelinas, 34, New York, N.Y.
Steven Paul Geller, 52, New York, N.Y.
Howard G. Gelling, 28, New York, N.Y.
Peter Victor Genco, 36, Rockville Centre, N.Y.
Steven Gregory Genovese, 37, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Alayne F. Gentul, 44, Mountain Lakes, N.J.
Linda George, 27, Westboro, Massachusetts
Edward F. Geraghty, 45, Rockville Centre, N.Y.
Suzanne Geraty, 30, New York, N.Y.
Ralph Gerhardt, 33, New York, N.Y.
Robert J. Gerlich, 56, Monroe, Conn.
Denis P. Germain, 33, Tuxedo Park, N.Y.
Marina R. Gertsberg, 25, New York, N.Y.
Susan M. Getzendanner, 57, New York, N.Y.
Capt. Lawrence Daniel Getzfred, 57, Elgin, Neb.
James Gerard Geyer, 41, Rockville Centre, N.Y.
Cortz Ghee, 54, Reisterstown, Md.
Joseph M. Giaccone, 43, Monroe, N.J.
Lt. Vincent Francis Giammona, 40, Valley Stream, N.Y.
Debra L. Gibbon, 43, Hackettstown, N.J.
James A. Giberson, 43, New York, N.Y.
Brenda C. Gibson, 59, Falls Church, Va.
Craig Neil Gibson, 37, New York, N.Y.
Ronnie Gies, 43, Merrick, N.Y.
Laura A. Giglio, 35, Oceanside, N.Y.
Andrew Clive Gilbert, 39, Califon, N.J.
Timothy Paul Gilbert, 35, Lebanon, N.J.
Paul Stuart Gilbey, 39, Chatham, N.J.
Paul John Gill, 34, New York, N.Y.
Mark Y. Gilles, 33, New York, N.Y.
Evan H. Gillette, 40, New York, N.Y.
Ronald Gilligan, 43, Norwalk, Conn.
Sgt. Rodney C. Gillis, 34, New York, N.Y.
Laura Gilly, 32, New York, N.Y.
Lt. John F. Ginley, 37, Warwick, N.Y.
Jeffrey Giordano, 46, New York, N.Y.
John Giordano, 46, Newburgh, N.Y.
Donna Marie Giordano, 44, Parlin, N.J.
Steven A. Giorgetti, 43, Manhasset, N.Y.
Martin Giovinazzo, 34, New York, N.Y.
Kum-Kum Girolamo, 41, New York, N.Y.
Salvatore Gitto, 44, Manalapan, N.J.
Cynthia Giugliano, 46, Nesconset, N.Y.
Mon Gjonbalaj, 65, New York, N.Y.
Dianne Gladstone, 55, New York, N.Y.
Keith Alexander Glascoe, 38, New York, N.Y.
Thomas I. Glasser, 40, Summit, N.J.
Edmund Glazer, 41, Los Angeles, California
Harry Glenn, 38, Piscataway, N.J.
Jeremy Glick, 31, Hewlett, N.J.
Barry H. Glick, 55, Wayne, N.J.
Steven Lawrence Glick, 42, Greenwich, Conn.
John T. Gnazzo, 32, New York, N.Y.
William (Bill) Robert Godshalk, 35, New York, N.Y.
Michael Gogliormella, 43, New Providence, N.J.
Brian Fredric Goldberg, 26, Union, N.J.
Jeffrey Grant Goldflam, 48, Melville, N.Y.
Michelle Herman Goldstein, 31, New York, N.Y.
Monica Goldstein, 25, New York, N.Y.
Steven Goldstein, 35, Princeton, N.J.
Ron Golinski, 60, Columbia, Md.
Andrew H. Golkin, 30, New York, N.Y.
Dennis James Gomes, 40, New York, N.Y.
Enrique Antonio Gomez, 42, New York, N.Y.
Jose Bienvenido Gomez, 45, New York, N.Y.
Manuel Gomez, 42, New York, N.Y.
Wilder Gomez, 38, New York, N.Y.
Jenine Gonzalez, 27, New York, N.Y.
Joel Guevara Gonzalez, 23, Aguascalientes, Aguascalientes, Mexico
Rosa J. Gonzalez, 32, Jersey City, N.J.
Mauricio Gonzalez, 27, New York, N.Y.
Lynn Catherine Goodchild, 25, Attleboro, Mass.
Calvin J. Gooding, 38, Riverside, N.Y.
Peter Morgan Goodrich, 33, Sudbury, Mass.
Harry Goody, 50, New York, N.Y.
Kiran Reddy Gopu, 24, Bridgeport, Conn.
Catherine Carmen Gorayeb, 41, New York, N.Y.
Lisa Fenn Gordenstein, 41, Needham, Massachusetts
Kerene Gordon, 43, New York, N.Y.
Sebastian Gorki, 27, New York, N.Y.
Thomas E. Gorman, 41, Middlesex, N.J.
Kieran Gorman, 35, Yonkers, N.Y.
Michael Edward Gould, 29, Hoboken, N.J.
Douglas A. Gowell, 52, Methuen, Mass.
Yugi Goya, 42, Rye, N.Y.
Jon Richard Grabowski, 33, New York, N.Y.
Christopher Michael Grady, 39, Cranford, N.J.
Edwin John Graf, 48, Rowayton, Conn.
David M. Graifman, 40, New York, N.Y.
Gilbert Granados, 51, Hicksville, N.Y.
Lauren Grandcolas, 38, San Rafael, Calif.
Elvira Granitto, 43, New York, N.Y.
Winston Arthur Grant, 59, West Hempstead, N.Y.
Ian J. Gray, 55, Columbia, Md.
Christopher Stewart Gray, 32, Weehawken, N.J.
James Michael Gray, 34, New York, N.Y.
Linda Mair Grayling, 44, New York, N.Y.
John Michael Grazioso, 41, Middletown, N.J.
Timothy Grazioso, 42, Gulf Stream, Fla.
Andrew Peter Charles Curry Green, 34, Santa Monica, Calif.
Wanda Anita Green, 49, Linden, N.J.
Derrick Arthur Green, 44, New York, N.Y.
Wade Brian Green, 42, Westbury, N.Y.
Elaine Myra Greenberg, 56, New York, N.Y.
Gayle R. Greene, 51, Montville, N.J.
Donald F. Greene, 52, Greenwich, Conn.
James Arthur Greenleaf, 32, New York, N.Y.
Eileen Marsha Greenstein, 52, Morris Plains, N.J.
Elizabeth (Lisa) Martin Gregg, 52, New York, N.Y.
Donald H. Gregory, 62, Ramsey, N.J.
Florence M. Gregory, 38, New York, N.Y.
Denise Gregory, 39, New York, N.Y.
Pedro (David) Grehan, 35, Hoboken, N.J.
John M. Griffin, 38, Waldwick, N.J.
Tawanna Griffin, 30, New York, N.Y.
Joan D. Griffith, 39, Willingboro, N.J.
Warren Grifka, 54, New York, N.Y.
Ramon Grijalvo, 58
Joseph F. Grillo, 46, New York, N.Y.
David Grimner, 51, Merrick, N.Y.
The Rev. Francis E. Grogan, 76, of Easton, Mass.
Linda Gronlund, 46, Warwick, N.Y.
Kenneth Grouzalis, 56, Lyndhurst, N.J.
Joseph Grzelak, 52, New York, N.Y.
Matthew J. Grzymalski, 34, New Hyde Park, N.Y.
Robert Joseph Gschaar, 55, Spring Valley, N.Y.
Liming (Michael) Gu, 34, Piscataway, N.J.
Richard Guadagno, 38, of Eureka, Calif.
Jose A. Guadalupe, 37, New York, N.Y.
Yan Zhu (Cindy) Guan, 25, New York, N.Y.
Geoffrey E. Guja, 47, Lindenhurst, N.Y.
Lt. Joseph Gullickson, 37, New York, N.Y.
Babita Guman, 33, New York, N.Y.
Douglas B. Gurian, 38, Tenafly, N.J.
Philip T. Guza, 54, Sea Bright, N.J.
Barbara Guzzardo, 49, Glendale, N.Y.
Peter Gyulavary, 44, Warwick, N.Y.
Gary Robert Haag, 36, Ossining, N.Y.
Andrea Lyn Haberman, 25, Chicago, Ill.
Barbara M. Habib, 49, New York, N.Y.
Philip Haentzler, 49, New York, N.Y.
Nizam A. Hafiz, 32, New York, N.Y.
Karen Hagerty, 34, New York, N.Y.
Steven Hagis, 31, New York, N.Y.
Mary Lou Hague, 26, New York, N.Y.
David Halderman, 40, New York, N.Y.
Maile Rachel Hale, 26, Cambridge, Mass.
Diane M. Hale-McKinzy, 38, Alexandria, Va.
Stanley Hall, 68, Rancho Palos Verdes, Calif.
Richard Hall, 49, Purchase, N.Y.
Vaswald George Hall, 50, New York, N.Y.
Robert John Halligan, 59, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Lt. Vincent Gerard Halloran, 43, North Salem, N.Y.
Carolyn B. Halmon, 49, Washington, D.C.
James D. Halvorson, 56, Greenwich, Conn.
Mohammad Salman Hamdani, 23, New York, N.Y.
Felicia Hamilton, 62, New York, N.Y.
Robert Hamilton, 43, Washingtonville, N.Y.
Carl Max Hammond, 37, Derry, N.H.
Frederic Kim Han, 45, Marlboro, N.J.
Christopher James Hanley, 34, New York, N.Y.
Sean Hanley, 35, New York, N.Y.
Valerie Joan Hanna, 57, Freeville, N.Y.
Thomas Hannafin, 36, New York, N.Y.
Kevin James Hannaford, 32, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Michael L. Hannan, 34, Lynbrook, N.Y.
Dana Hannon, 29, Suffern, N.Y.
Peter Hanson, 32, Groton, Mass.
Sue Kim Hanson, 35, Groton, Mass.
Christine Lee Hanson, 2, Groton, Mass.
Vassilios G. Haramis, 56, New York, N.Y.
James A. Haran, 41, Malverne, N.Y.
Gerald F. Hardacre, 61, Carlsbad, Calif.
Jeffrey P. Hardy, 46, New York, N.Y.
Timothy John Hargrave, 38, Readington, N.J.
Daniel Harlin, 41, Kent, N.Y.
Frances Haros, 76, New York, N.Y.
Lt. Harvey L. Harrell, 49, New York, N.Y.
Lt. Stephen Gary Harrell, 44, Warwick, N.Y.
Stewart D. Harris, 52, Marlboro, N.J.
Aisha Harris, 22, New York, N.Y.
John Patrick Hart, 38, Danville, Calif.
Eric Samadikan Hartono, 20, Boston, Mass.
John Clinton Hartz, 64, Basking Ridge, N.J.
Emeric J. Harvey, 56, Montclair, N.J.
Peter Hashem, 40, Tewksbury, Massachusetts
Capt. Thomas Theodore Haskell, 37, Massapequa, N.Y.
Timothy Haskell, 34, Seaford, N.Y.
Joseph John Hasson, 34, New York, N.Y.
Capt. Terence S. Hatton, 41, New York, N.Y.
Leonard William Hatton, 45, Ridgefield Park, N.J.
Michael Helmut Haub, 34, Roslyn Heights, N.Y.
Timothy Aaron Haviland, 41, Oceanside, N.Y.
Donald G. Havlish, 53, Yardley, Pa.
Anthony Hawkins, 30, New York, N.Y.
Nobuhiro Hayatsu, 36, Scarsdale, N.Y.
James E. Hayden, 47, Westford, Mass.
Robert Hayes, 37, from Amesbury, Massachusetts
Philip Hayes, 67, Northport, N.Y.
William Ward Haynes, 35, Rye, N.Y.
Scott Hazelcorn, 29, Hoboken, N.J.
Lt. Michael K. Healey, 42, East Patchogue, N.Y.
Roberta Bernstein Heber, 60, New York, N.Y.
Charles Francis Xavier Heeran, 23, Belle Harbor, N.Y.
John Heffernan, 37, New York, N.Y.
Michele Heidenberger, 57, Chevy Chase, Md.
Sheila Hein, 51, University Park, Md.
Howard Joseph Heller, 37, Ridgefield, Conn.
JoAnn L. Heltibridle, 46, Springfield, N.J.
Ronald John Hemenway, 37, Shawnee, Kan.
Mark F. Hemschoot, 45, Red Bank, N.J.
Ronnie Lee Henderson, 52, Newburgh, N.Y.
Janet Hendricks, 48, New York, N.Y.
Brian Hennessey, 35, Ringoes, N.J.
Edward (Ted) R. Hennessy, 35, Belmont, Mass.
Michelle Marie Henrique, 27, New York, N.Y.
Joseph P. Henry, 25, New York, N.Y.
William Henry, 49, New York, N.Y.
John Henwood, 35, New York, N.Y.
Robert Allan Hepburn, 39, Union, N.J.
Mary (Molly) Herencia, 47, New York, N.Y.
Lindsay Coates Herkness, 58, New York, N.Y.
Harvey Robert Hermer, 59, New York, N.Y.
Claribel Hernandez, 31, New York, N.Y.
Norberto Hernandez, 42, New York, N.Y.
Raul Hernandez, 51, New York, N.Y.
Gary Herold, 44, Farmingdale, N.Y.
Jeffrey A. Hersch, 53, New York, N.Y.
Thomas Hetzel, 33, Elmont, N.Y.
Capt. Brian Hickey, 47, New York, N.Y.
Ysidro Hidalgo-Tejada, 47, New York, N.Y., Dominican Republic
Lt. Timothy Higgins, 43, Farmingville, N.Y.
Robert D. Higley, 29, New Fairfield, Conn.
Todd Russell Hill, 34, Boston, Mass.
Clara Victorine Hinds, 52, New York, N.Y.
Neal Hinds, 28, New York, N.Y.
Mark D. Hindy, 28, New York, N.Y.
Richard Bruce Van Hine, 48, Greenwood Lake, N.Y.
Katsuyuki Hirai, 32, Hartsdale, N.Y.
Heather Malia Ho, 32, New York, N.Y.
Tara Yvette Hobbs, 31, New York, N.Y.
Thomas A. Hobbs, 41, Baldwin, N.Y.
James L. Hobin, 47, Marlborough, Conn.
Robert Wayne Hobson, 36, New Providence, N.J.
DaJuan Hodges, 29, New York, N.Y.
Ronald George Hoerner, 58, Massapequa Park, N.Y.
Patrick Aloysius Hoey, 53, Middletown, N.J.
John A. Hofer, 45, Los Angeles, Calif.
Stephen G. Hoffman, 36, Long Beach, N.Y.
Marcia Hoffman, 52, New York, N.Y.
Frederick J. Hoffmann, 53, Freehold, N.J.
Michele L. Hoffmann, 27, Freehold, N.J.
Judith Florence Hofmiller, 53, Brookfield, Conn.
Maj. Wallace Cole Hogan, 40, Fla.
Thomas Warren Hohlweck, 57, Harrison, N.Y.
Jonathan R. Hohmann, 48, New York, N.Y.
Cora Hidalgo Holland, 52, of Sudbury, Massachusetts
John Holland, 30
Joseph Francis Holland, 32, Glen Rock, N.J.
Jimmie Ira Holley, 54, Lanham, Md.
Elizabeth Holmes, 42, New York, N.Y.
Thomas P. Holohan, 36, Chester, N.Y.
Herbert W. Homer, 48, Milford, Mass.
Leroy Homer, 36, Marlton, N.J.
Bradley Hoorn, 22, New York, N.Y.
James P. Hopper, 51, Farmingdale, N.Y.
Montgomery McCullough Hord, 46, Pelham, N.Y.
Michael Horn, 27, Lynbrook, N.Y.
Matthew D. Horning, 26, Hoboken, N.J.
Robert L. Horohoe, 31, New York, N.Y.
Michael R. Horrocks, 38, Glen Mills, Pa.
Aaron Horwitz, 24, New York, N.Y.
Charles J. Houston, 42, New York, N.Y.
Uhuru G. Houston, 32, Englewood, N.J.
Angela Houtz, 27, La Plata, Md.
George Howard, 45, Hicksville, N.Y.
Brady K. Howell, 26, Arlington, Va.
Steven L. Howell, 36, New York, N.Y.
Michael C. Howell, 60, New York, N.Y.
Jennifer L. Howley, 34, New Hyde Park, N.Y.
Milagros "Millie" Hromada, 35, New York, N.Y.
Marian Hrycak, 56, New York, N.Y.
Stephen Huczko, 44, Bethlehem, N.J.
Kris R. Hughes, 30, Nesconset, N.Y.
Melissa Harrington Hughes, 31, San Francisco, Calif.
Thomas F. Hughes, 46, Spring Lake Heights, N.J.
Timothy Robert Hughes, 43, Madison, N.J.
Paul R. Hughes, 38, Stamford, Conn.
Robert T. "Bobby" Hughes, 23, Sayreville, N.J.
Susan Huie, 43, Fair Lawn, N.J.
Mychal Lamar Hulse, 30, New York, N.Y.
Nicholas Humber, 60, of Newton, Massachusetts,
William C. Hunt, 32, Norwalk, Conn.
Joseph G. Hunter, 31, South Hempstead, N.Y.
Peggie Hurt, 36, Crewe, Va.
Robert Hussa, 51, Roslyn, N.Y.
Lt. Col. Stephen Neil Hyland, 45, Burke, Va.
Robert J. Hymel, 55, Woodbridge, Va.
Capt. Walter Hynes, 46, Belle Harbor, N.Y.
Thomas E. Hynes, 28, Norwalk, Conn.
Joseph Anthony Ianelli, 28, Hoboken, N.J.
Zuhtu Ibis, 25, Clifton, N.J.
Jonathan Lee Ielpi, 29, Great Neck, N.Y.
Michael Patrick Iken, 37, New York, N.Y.
Daniel Ilkanayev, 36, New York, N.Y.
Capt. Frederick Ill, 49, Pearl River, N.Y.
Abraham Nethanel Ilowitz, 51, New York, N.Y.
Anthony P. Infante, 47, Chatham, N.J.
Louis S. Inghilterra, 45, New Castle, N.Y.
Christopher N. Ingrassia, 28, Watchung, N.J.
Paul Innella, 33, East Brunswick, N.J.
Stephanie V. Irby, 38, New York, N.Y.
Douglas Irgang, 32, New York, N.Y.
Todd A. Isaac, 29, New York, N.Y.
Erik Hans Isbrandtsen, 30, New York, N.Y.
Taizo Ishikawa, 50
Waleed Iskandar, 34, London, England
Aram Iskenderian, 41, Merrick, N.Y.
John Iskyan, 41, Wilton, Conn.
Kazushige Ito, 35, New York, N.Y.
Aleksandr Valeryerich Ivantsov, 23, New York, N.Y.
Sgt. Maj. Lacey B. Ivory, 43, Woodbridge, Va.
Virginia Jablonski, 49, Matawan, N.J.
Bryan Jack, 48, Alexandria, Va.
Brooke Alexandra Jackman, 23, New York, N.Y.
Aaron Jacobs, 27, New York, N.Y.
Jason Kyle Jacobs, 32, Mendham, N.J.
Michael Grady Jacobs, 54, Danbury, Conn.
Ariel Louis Jacobs, 29, Briarcliff Manor, N.Y.
Steven A. Jacobson, 53, New York, N.Y.
Steven D. Jacoby, 43, Alexandria, Va.
Ricknauth Jaggernauth, 58, New York, N.Y.
Jake Denis Jagoda, 24, Huntington, N.Y.
Yudh V.S. Jain, 54, New City, N.Y.
Maria Jakubiak, 41, Ridgewood, N.Y.
Robert Adrien Jalbert, 61, Swampscott, Mass.
Gricelda E. James, 44, Willingboro, N.J.
Ernest James, 40, New York, N.Y.
Mark Jardim, 39, New York, N.Y.
Amy N. Jarret, 28, North Smithfield, R.I.
Mohammed Jawara, 30, New York, N.Y.
Francois Jean-Pierre, 58, New York, N.Y.
Maxima Jean-Pierre, 40, Bellport, N.Y.
Paul E. Jeffers, 39, New York, N.Y.
John Charles Jenkins, 45, Cambridge, Mass.
Joseph Jenkins, 47, New York, N.Y.
Alan K. Jensen, 49, Wyckoff, N.J.
Prem N. Jerath, 57, Edison, N.J.
Farah Jeudy, 32, Spring Valley, N.Y.
Hweidar Jian, 42, East Brunswick, N.J.
Eliezer Jimenez, 38, New York, N.Y.
Luis Jimenez, 25, New York, N.Y.
Charles Gregory John, 44, New York, N.Y.
Nicholas John, 42, New York, N.Y.
Lt. Col. Dennis M. Johnson, 48, Port Edwards, Wis.
Scott M. Johnson, 26, New York, N.Y.
LaShawana Johnson, 27, New York, N.Y.
William Johnston, 31, North Babylon, N.Y.
Charles Edward Jones, 48, Bedford, Mass.
Judith Jones, 53, Woodbridge, Va.
Allison Horstmann Jones, 31, New York, N.Y.
Arthur Joseph Jones, 37, Ossining, N.Y.
Brian L. Jones, 44, New York, N.Y.
Christopher D. Jones, 53, Huntington, N.Y.
Donald T. Jones, 39, Livingston, N.J.
Donald W. Jones, 43, Fairless Hills, Pa.
Linda Jones, 50, New York, N.Y.
Mary S. Jones, 72, New York, N.Y.
Andrew Jordan, 35, Remsenburg, N.Y.
Robert Thomas Jordan, 34, Williston, N.Y.
Ingeborg Joseph, 60, Germany
Karl Henri Joseph, 25, New York, N.Y.
Stephen Joseph, 39, Franklin Park, N.J.
Albert Joseph, 79
Jane Eileen Josiah, 47, Bellmore, N.Y.
Lt. Anthony Jovic, 39, Massapequa, N.Y.
Angel Luis Juarbe, 35, New York, N.Y.
Karen Susan Juday, 52, New York, N.Y.
Ann Judge, 49, Great Falls, Va.
The Rev. Mychal Judge, 68, New York, N.Y.
Paul W. Jurgens, 47, Levittown, N.Y.
Thomas Edward Jurgens, 26, Lawrence, N.Y.
Kacinga Kabeya, 63, McKinney, Texas
Shashi Kiran Lakshmikantha Kadaba, 25, Hackensack, N.J.

Still Trudging Onward

Hello Everyone.

Wow, I haven't posted since February!  Really?  It CAN'T have been that long!!!  I am sorry.

I have to say, some of you have been so kind lately as to send me gentle nudges about updating.   Thanks for that.  The texts, the phone calls, the e-mails and letters all do encourage me so much and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that you all have not given up on me.  I haven't either.

So what's new?

First, I am still fighting depression.  Sometimes I think I am winning and other times I want to crawl into bed and never come out.  But I keep plugging at it.  It cannot last forever.   Quite honestly one of my big struggles is my marriage.  I have been married nearly 21 years and I have been very unhappy within that for at least 12 of them.  I won't go into details because I don't think it is appropriate to do so, but it is a huge contributor to the depression.

Next:  I finally got the phone call I had been waiting for for over a year.   While having lunch with a very close friend my cell phone rang and it was a number I did not recognize.  I answered and the call went something like this:

Hello?

Hello, is this "Hot Flash"? 

Yes.

Hi, this is (fill in the blank) from Rural Metro Ambulance.  I am calling because some time ago you applied for an EMT-Basic position.  Are you still interested?

(I could hardly contain my enthusiasm at this point!)

Not just yes but HECK yes!! 

From there arrangements were made for me to come in for an interview.  This would consist of a written exam, a practical exam and a panel interview with three evaluators.  I had two weeks to prepare.  My close friend was as ecstatic as I was.   He is a retired firefighter paramedic and has talked with me at length about my goals and dreams.  We hugged and laughed and he gave me some encouragement and advice before we parted and I went back to work for the afternoon.

I could not stop thinking about how long I had waited for this opportunity and how badly I wanted the job.  But at the same time, I had never interviewed for an EMS position before.  I did not really know what to expect or how best to prepare myself.  In addition, this all happened at the BUSIEST time of year for me at work.  I did not know how I was going to pull this off but I told myself... "You have to just do it. It's not like someone is going to call 911 and you will be able to say, 'call back later, I'm busy'!"

Over the next two weeks I did not get much time to study or prepare and I was feeling very rusty.  I have been out of school for over a year and the only practice I have had has been at OTEP classes (Ongoing training that occurs monthly).  Finally the day of the interview arrived.

I walked in to the office about ten minutes early and was told to take a seat.  I waited patiently as assorted EMT's and Paramedics passed through the small office on their way into work.    Being shy was going to get me no where and I knew it so I made a point of saying hello or good morning to each one.  Most said hello or good morning back but a couple actually took the time to have a small conversation with me and wished me luck.  That was a nice start.

Finally it was my turn to go back and start this process.  I was taken to a large table in a meeting room where there were three other candidates all working on their written exams.  One was placed in front of me and I was directed to start whenever I was ready.   The exam was challenging.  I know that I know what I am supposed to, yet it seemed daunting.   I have no idea how I did on that exam but the last question was the worst.  It was something along the lines of, "Do you feel this exam was an accurate assessment of your skills and knowledge?"   How the heck should I answer THAT?   If I say yes and I did terribly then I am saying I suck.   If I say no I am being critical of their selection process.   Finally I decided to say yes.  It asked good questions, none were surprises.  How could I answer any other way?

I was supposed to go from the written exam to the oral board.  I was wishing I could do the practical exam first.  That is what is most threatening to me.  When I have been on a run, I just responded.  I don't think about it.. I react and do what I am trained to do.   When it is an evaluation... I get stuck in my head.  I worry about if I am doing it right.   If I could just get this out of the way I could relax for the oral boards.   But that is not how it was set up.   As I waited I tried to convince myself that it would be a piece of cake.  I knew my stuff and all I had to do was make it real in my head.  Finally someone came into the room and called a name.  It was the name of the person who had last headed out of the room for the oral boards (a fellow EMT from my class).   I told the RM employee that the other person was in the oral board interview.  He looked at me and said, "Well then, you must be "HotFlash".  I was the only female applicant there so it was a no brainer.  I nodded affirmatively and he said,  "Then you are the next lucky contestant."

I followed him to another room.  He was rather laid back in his demeanor and made me feel fairly comfortable right away.  He told me to look over what equipment was set out for the scenario and told me that everything I would need should be there already.  When I had glanced over what was where, he asked if I was ready to begin.   I noticed upon glancing through things that there were only extra large gloves.  I wear smalls.  Extra large gloves would leave a full inch of empty finger above the tips of mine.  That makes it difficult to work.   I asked if they had any smaller gloves.  He said there should be but then was unable to produce them.  He searched for quite a while and I said a few minutes into it not to worry, I would make do.  He kept trying and I felt uncomfortable that I was making things difficult.  Finally he decided to let me make do with the extra larges.

He told me what the scenario was.   A call had come in for a fiftyfour y/o male who had collapsed while watching television.  No other information.

I arrived on scene, made sure the scene was safe and put my gloves on as I verbalized it to be so and BSI (body substance isolation measures).  Upon entering the room a care giver was performing cpr on the patient who was apparently in full cardiac arrest.  I observed the cpr being given as adequate as I obtained a brief history from the caregiver and I directed my ghost engine crew to take over cpr and initiate oxygen therapy with a bvm (bag valve mask).  I requested ALS (Advanced Life Support) backup and then I discovered there was no remarkable history, the patient was on blood pressure medications and cpr had been underway for approximately five minutes since the patient collapsed with out warning.  I prepared the AED (automated external defibrillator) as I was listening and questioning the caregiver.    Frustratingly the AED model available to me was not one I was familiar with and it felt like I was taking forever to figure out how to set it up properly.  I could not seem to figure out where to plug the wires in.  It probably only took me a few seconds but I still felt awkward and I commented that I was not familiar with that model.  Finally I figured it out, the patient was analyzed, shock was advised and I delivered it.   The patient still had no pulse and CPR was continued for another two minutes.  I reanalyzed, reshocked and continued cpr again and one more time after that.  At some point during the scenario I was told that the patient was not getting adequate ventilation and I then placed an oral airway adjunct and continued treating my patient.   Before long, the evaluator thanked me and told me that despite my best efforts the patient didn't make it.  He asked me if I had any questions.  I asked about the on the job training that I was told would happen if I was hired.  He told me what it consisted of and expressed his own disappointment that it was not more extensive.  I did not know what to say to that.  Finally I asked, "how did I do?"   It was a long shot but I thought I would try anyway lol.  He just smiled and said, "Well, you made it through."  He had no intentions of telling me one way or the other.  Oh well.  I tried. :)  I thanked him and he walked me back to wait for the oral boards.

My turn came soon enough.  I entered feeling much more calm than I would have had the order been reversed.  The worst of it was out of the way as far as I was concerned.  I entered the room and there was a long table with three men sitting on one side and a seat for me on the other.  I said hello and introduced myself, shaking hands with each and was directed to sit.  I did.  The proceeded to ask me questions.  Standards like, "tell us about yourself," and "why do you want to work for Rural Metro Ambulance?" and scenario based questions such as, "You and your partner are transporting a non-critical patient and your partner is driving hard and fast, what do you do?"   Another question was,  "you are dispatched to the scene of a MVA (motor vehicle accident) and arrive to find a compact car with moderate front end damage and a 69 year old woman trapped in the driver's seat.  As you approach the fire chief tells you what has happened and that you will not need your back board so you can just put it back.  What do you do?"

I don't know if I answered all the questions the way they had been looking for me to but I did the best I could and I left feeling pretty good about the interview as well.   The entire time I was there was about two hours and in that time I never saw another female applicant.  I know one of my friends and fellow EMT classmates had an interview later that afternoon so there were at least two of us.   I later found out she never saw another female applicant either.

Now came the hardest part of all.  Hurry up and wait.  My interview was on a Tuesday and I did not hear back until nine days later.  It came in the form of a letter.  I knew before I opened it that it could not be good news.  I did not get hired and neither did either of my two fellow EMT classmates.  I was disappointed but not upset.  I am not giving up.

I still maintain that God did not clear the obstacles he did for me to be trained for me to do nothing with it.  Some day, some where I will get my chance to shine.  I was born to do this and I have no doubts about that.  Grant me patience Lord, but please hurry.

Stay safe my friends.

Hotflash out.

Tearing Down the Mountain

Hello Everyone.

I know it has been a long time again since I posted but I also know I have a few faithful followers who check in here to see how I am doing.  It is comforting to know that people care and want to see me get past this horrible mountain that stands between me and success lately.

Depression is a horrible thing.  It doesn't just make one sad, lonely or doubtful.  It takes away the desire to fix it. It blocks the creativity to find solutions.  It zaps one's energy and self esteem.   I am not telling you all this to whine.  I know that with continued prayers and my medication this WILL eventually pass.  I am telling you so you have some idea of where I am coming from, why I don't keep in touch.  Everything I enjoy when I am not depressed, no longer brings a  feeling of pleasure or satisfaction when I am.  I even dread fire calls.  I have always loved to serve my fire dept., and to be able to help others on scene.  I enjoy the thrill of flashing lights, shiny fire trucks and firefighters running around in their organized chaos as they do their jobs.   And I have always enjoyed the camaraderie between fellow Fire Buff Battalion members and the firefighters.  But I feel NOTHING when I go now.  But still, I DO go.  It is one of the few things that I still force myself to do even though the depression weighs me down.  And the reason I do still go is because I find a tremendous amount of support in my Fire Buff family.   They have been there for me no matter what, sometimes running themselves ragged to take care of fellow member's needs.   And the firefighters are SO appreciative of what we do.  It is still rewarding to know that we do make a difference...that comes through even through the depression and for that I am truly thankful.

I will try.. as I have promised before... to post more often.  I am afraid that posting my progress through this depression may be a downer to you who read it.  But I am hoping that if it is you will just skip it.  If it does not bring you down then read it if you like,  and I appreciate the encouragement from you.  And I believe that if I write it down.. maybe it can help to get it out and make this mountain of depression disintegrate into dust so I can have my life back.

I love you all and appreciate your patience, friendship and words of encouragement more than you could ever know.

HUGS!

-Hotflash

The long delinquent Hotflash speaks

Hi Team!!

And welcome to my newest team member, Dorothy Williamson! 

I know I have been delinquent a long time.  I have to admit, part of it was laziness, part of it was just busying myself with other stuff and part of it is this funk I've been in since I finished school.  But I don't intend to dwell on any of that here so enough said on it.

Thanks 911R for the nudge to get back in here and update everyone.  This blog was meant to be an accountability tool to keep me reaching for the goal so your nudge is just the right thing for me.  I am not promising weekly posts again for a while though.  There just isn't that much going on to post about.  I do have a few things to talk about now though.

I am way over due to tell you about the National Registry Exam.  I took it on July 16th along with two of my fellow classmates.  We all met at a point along the way then carpooled to the test site.  We were scheduled within 15 minutes of each other to take the exam.  We stopped on the way to have breakfast.  A nice little sit down place near the test site served excellent food for a reasonable price and we ate togther while bantering back and forth nervously wishing to get the exam overwith.

Finally it came time for the exam.  It is done on a computer.  If you answer a question correctly, it gives you a harder one.  If you answer a question incorrectly it will give you an easier one.  There are up to 150 questions but the better you do on the exam the fewer questions you will have to answer.  I had heard the minimum cut off was 70 questions.  And I got cut off at 70!!! :)  And I felt really good about it too.  The test seemed SO much easier that Chief McC's tests!!!  Chief McC and Chief L did a fantastic job preparing us!

Now, knowing I had gotten cut off at the minimum and that I felt good about it still didn't make me confident I had passed.  We called Chief McC. when we were all finished and when he asked us what number we had gotten cut off at we each told him.  When I told him 70 he said, "Well, either you did REALLY, really well or you did really, REALLY poorly."   Inside I knew I had done well but I couldn't buy it until I saw the official results. 

I had been told that in most cases, it took only a day to get results online, but that it could take up to two weeks.  And remember, as I have said before, I am NOT a waiter.  Unfortunately I took the exam on a friday.  But I was also told that the results could post by as early as 4:30 that day.  I left excited and hopeful.
But 4:30 rolled around and the results were not posted.  I remember being very disappointed even though I know it was a long shot.  I checked again before I went to bed, LOL, even though I knew if they were not there at 4:30 they would not be there until, at the very least, the next business day.  To be honest, I checked several times a day throughout the weekend too.  And Monday morning, by which time I was frustrated and having doubts.  I'm such a stewer over things and I don't tend to trust my own abilities when I can't see rapid results, even though I really do know better.  I'm trying not to say I have low self esteem but at times, that is what it is... or maybe it's even less complicated than that... more straight forward... I am afraid to fail!  To me it is like failure (in any way) means the end of the world!    But I really am working on it, so please don't worry about me.   If that was not true about me, I never would have followed through with applying for the EMT program to begin with.

By Monday night I was as anxious as could be.  I was out shopping when I got a call from one of my fellow students about their scores.  Sadly, it was not good news.  And I honestly didn't think the other student had passed either.   (I later found out I was right.)  Finally I got home and settled for the evening and walked over to the computer to check again.  And I passed!!!!!!  Now I am an officially Nationally Registered EMT-B meaning I can sign my name  "Hotflash, NREMT-B"

The next step is to find a sponsor.  I need to find someone who will sign paperwork to lay claim to me and my skills.  Without a sponsor I can not apply with the state to practice what I can do.  As I no doubtably have said before, I want to work for a specific ambulance company. (The fire department would be my dream employer, but I can make some compromises).  The ambulance company I want to work for has the municipal contract and that means that if the call is BLS (basic life support -meaning the ambulance needs only EMT-B level providers), often times the fire department will have them do the transport of patients.  If the call is ALS (advanced life support -for more threatening cases meaning at least one paramedic, aka EMT-P will be providers), but in that case, only if the City Fire Department doesn't feel they have the resources or time to do it, or so it seems.


OKAY  NOW I WROTE THAT ABOVE IN SEPTEMBER>> THE VERY FIRST PART>>>>>

I am sorry I never sent it out and never finished it.   I am still in quite the funk.. personal / marriage problems have confounded my depression.. YES I've said it finally.. my depression is back :(  with a vengeance. but I have not lost hope that i can beat it again.

I want to thank 911r for never giving up on me.... she messages me occasionally to say she misses me and to see if I am okay.  What an AWESOME friend I have!

I started this blog as an accountability thing.. to keep myself working towards the goals....

It helped me for a long time to do just that but a tool is only as good as the skill of the person yielding it. and I have not used my skills at making this work for a while now.  I am not promising to be here often yet.. I don't have the energy or desire to write much lately.. but I will try to check in sometimes and let you know how I'm doing.   

Thanks to all my wonderful friends and my family for the love they show me... Coach Alex is the bestest friend I ever had and I love her very much!   And 911r you are absolutely AMAZING to me.  And all of you have been good to me.  Thanks.

Love and hugs from me... stay safe!

Hotflash out.. but only until next time! :)

Publish Post

Report From Ladder Company 40. And now for news you've been waiting for... Oh, WAIT!

Hi Team!!

Wow, It's been a while again since I posted and I have so much catching up to do!  I am sorry I didn't keep up because of course the longer I procrastinate, the fewer details I can remember.  (That might be a good thing.  As my Coach says, "I have a lot of words and I'm not afraid to use 'em!")  I'll give you what I can.  Grab yourself a cup of coffe or a Mountain Dew or what ever your particular brand of poison is and a snack.  This is another long one!

So,  the week of June 6-12, 2010  (Days 258-264) was definately significant!

I spent the early part of the week studying like crazy.  This was finals week!  Every day I would begin at 04:30.  I would get up, get ready for work and out the door by 5:20 then head across town to pick up my co-worker.  I always get to her house early and I bring my EMT study aids with me everywhere I go.  Now I love Katie, but she isn't always ready when I'd like her to be and it varies as to what time she actually comes out the door, which is why I arrive as early as I do.  Given my drothers (or is it spelled "druthers"?)  I would show up at work much earlier than I do!  Anyway, since I always have to wait I spend the time reading.  And usually it was the EMT manual I would read.

The last few weeks of class had gone by in a whirlwind covering about twice as much material a week as the first 7 weeks so I had a lot of information floating around in my head.  Unfortunately, having to read twice as much wasn't helping me to retain that information as well as I would have liked.  That is why I began reading the chapters a second time.  For those of you who have never looked at the Brady EMT-Basic coursebook, it is big, heavy, awkward and very dry reading!  Because I have sleep disorders, and because of the hours I kept between school and work, I found it very difficult to keep my eyes open while reading which was very frustrating.  It only served to increase my anxiety about passing the class.  That may seem silly since at mid term, I had an A in the class, but I was really stressing it.

I had already failed two size ups by Chief McC., as far as I was concerned during the quarter.   Chief McC was the secondary instructor for my class, Chief L, the Lead.  I found Chief McC. to be much more demanding of us and much more intimidating.  On the first day that Chief McC. was teaching, I was the first student to class and was waiting outside the door when he arrived to unlock it.  I introduced myself, bravely (remember, I am shy!).  He had a booming voice and very direct manner about him.  As we entered the classroom he said to me, "So what am I teaching today?"  I was surprised he would ask me that and it escaped me that he was sizing me up at the moment.  I had read the required chapters.  I had completed the corresponding sections of the workbook.  I was prepared for class.  But, could I answer him?  Not on my life.  I had to look at the syllabus to answer him.  Of course, he knew full well what he was teaching that day.  He only wanted to know if I knew and if I was prepared.  I had prepared but nervousness caused me to fail the size up.  Still, I was so nervous I didn't even realize what had just happened.  It wasn't until later in class that day, that he happened to mention to the class his little test of "a student".  At least he didn't out me!  I still felt about half an inch tall.    The second time I failed his size up of me was only a week or two later.  We were talking about oxygen, when and how to use it, safe handling, etc.  He demonstrated how to set it up and talked about minimum safe psi, etc.  Then he set the cylinder in front of me on my table (I sat in the front row) and asked me to read the gauge.  Besides the fact that he put me on the spot and I was shy and nervous, he held it in a position that was difficult for me to read it due to a) the glare of the flourescent lights on the face of the gauge and b) I was just far enough away from it that I could not read it well through either the upper or lower portion of my bifocals!  (did I mention I am an old bat?).  As I struggled to read it, Chief McC. demanded of me loudly, "What's the matter?  Can't you read it?"  I actually took my glasses off and squinted at it to read it and finally read it out, but the damage had already been done.  Fail number 2! 

Now, as it happened, I discovered that Chief McC. inspired me more, demanded more of me and I learned a lot more from him with his demanding teaching style than from Chief L.  In fact I really admired Chief McC. and longed to be a fly on his shoulder for the next year just so I could soak up every piece of wisdom and information he spewed, like I was a large empty sponge!  However, this did not make him any less intimidating to me.  I would never have admitted it though.  I did my best to anticipate what would be asked of me in class, to answer questions, etc especially when he was instructing.  But Chief McC. still didn't make it easy.  He never let us blurt out answers to questions or raise our hands like school aged children.  He would ask questions and only if he specifically called on us would we be allowed, and EXPECTED to answer, correctly.  That meant we had to pay close attention!  It was a great technique in that we DID pay attention and we DID learn.  It was not a good self-confidence builder.  In fact I was so afraid to let the Chief down again that I prayed he didn't call on me.

What I am getting at with all this long winded reminiscing is that by finals week I was pretty frazzled and not feeling as confident as I would have liked! (Read: inwardly freaking out!!)  But like any emergency, I presented as calm, cool and collected, did what I had to do and then fell apart later, when nobody was around to witness it.  Like in my car all the way home. "OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm such a maniac!!!!"   (That was pretty common conversation between me and the fly on MY shoulder!)  And for that reason, I was not at all confident that I would pass.

Chief McC. had talked to us quite a bit about the National Registry exam.  He talked about the kinds questions that would be on it.  He also told us that only 68% of applicants pass it.  And that in Washington state the percentage was only slightly higher than the national average at 69%.  That didn't instill much confidence either.  It DID instill a determination to work hard, however.  Chief McC. was the instuctor who wrote the exams for our class.  So I KNEW that although Chief L. administered the exams and inputted the scores in the computer, Chief McC. was bound to look them over and see how we did.  I have always been an over achiever so it was especially important to me to do well on his exams.  And although I got solid grades, I never scored as high as I would have preferred to have.  This final written exam was expected and touted to be the hardest of the class.  It made sense.  It was to cover a lot of new material as well as be a comprehensive exam of everything we had learned prior.  In addtion, the first  three exams we could go over and debate our answers if we got them wrong.  If we presented a reasonable arguement with sound medical reasoning, he would sometimes allow us a point back but we could never get the question wrong again if it came up on a subsequent test, and those questions almost always DID come back again.   We were not able to do that on the final.  The only way that a point could be given for a wrong answer on the final was if a) a majority of the class missed the question and b) if the majority of those who missed it marked the same wrong answer and c) if Chief L. reviewed that information and felt it reasonable that we would choose the answer we did.  If so, he would give everyone the point for that question and mark that question for re-write for future quarters.  Did I mention I was very apprehensive about this exam?

To make matters worse, I had totally misunderstood what was going to happen this week.  We had four comprehensive practicals to take as part of finals and we also had three or four practical skill sheets to complete yet for the class.  The way I thought I understood it was that those practical skills sheets would be checked off as part of the comprehensive practical finals.  So I thought wednesday the ninth was only going to be the written final.  Although I was sweating it some, the written exams never scare me as much as the practicals so I was doing okay, until announcements at the beginning of class where I learned I would have to perform the practicals as well that evening.

Amazingly, I pulled myself together and began the written exam, wishing I had been first to step out for the practical skills tests.  Everytime a student would return from the practicals to continue their written exam, I tried to be the first to jump up to take their place.  Although I jumped faster than most, I was also seated in the middle of a row and could not get out as fast as most.  It took me half of the class period before I finally got to be the one to go.  I was about 3/4 of the way through the written exam at that point.  I aced the practicals!  Now I felt much better and more confident.  I returned to the classroom and to my written exam and finished it.  I then went back over each question slowly to make sure that I had read each question right and marked the best possible answer.  A passing score was a minimum of 80.  Looking over the 100 questions I discovered that there were exactly 20 that I wasn't sure of the answers to!  Talk about sweating bullets... AGAIN!  I read each question a third time and reviewd my answers.  I changed a few.  I knew as I did that that usually the first answer you choose is correct but there were a couple I just didn't feel right about so I changed them.  Finally I turned in my test.  Only being sure of 80 was cutting it pretty close to the mark!Now I had an hour to wait before they would be graded and passed back to review.  I am not a good waiter.

Finally we got the scores.  The average score was 78, failure!  I got 86!  I was ecstatic.  Especially as I saw the scores of my team mates and others around me.  Anyone who passed was ecstatic and most shared their scores, even when they were barely passing.  A few shared scores just under the mark and I felt badly for them.  It was a hard freaking test.  Much harder than the three prior to it.  And now they could not debate the answers.  When I thought about my score compared to the average, I knew many had not passed.  Chief L. looked grim as he began to analyze which questions were missed by how many students.  Then he sat down and began going over them.  By the end of that, my score was a 90!  And many more students had passed the exam!  The rest, if they had not already failed and retaken one exam in the class, were given the opportunity to re-take the exam before the next day's practical finals.  They would still retain the same score on the books, but if they passed the second time they would be allowed to take the practical finals.  Otherwise, they were washed out.  One of those students was one of my teammates. 

It was great how the class rallied around each other.  For each student who had initially failed the final exam, there were several gathered around him or her offering encouragement and offering to help them study that night even though it was already 22:00.  I am sure I am not the only one who offered up heartfelt silent prayers on behalf of those needing to re-test.

I went home feeling both elated and stressed.  Stressed not only about the comprehensive practicals but about my classmates who had become almost like family in many ways.  I wanted everyone to pass.  That night at home I could not sleep to save my life!  It was nearly three in the morning before I slept and at 04:30 it started all over again.

On thursday, after my morning shift, I wanted to study, though I could not keep my eyes open.  On top of that, we had turned our skills sheets in the night before so there was nothing to look at to prepare for the practical finals.  I somehow drove home from my shift without falling asleep behind the wheel and wanted to crawl into my bed and die for a few hours.  But I was still so anxious about the practicals.  I sat on my living room floor and visualized a make-believe patient.  I did a scene size up, initial assessment, rapid trauma assessment, detailted physical exam and ongoing exam on my imaginary patient.  I had no idea if I'd left anything out because I had no one around to evaluate me.  And I had no check off sheet to refer to.  I finally gave up and gave in to sleep.  It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.

I woke up just before I had to leave for work, thanks to my handy dandy cell phone alarm.  Groggily I headed out the door, and prayed all the way to work.  I prayed for clarity of mind, for good recall, that God would help me remain calm and relaxed and help me to perform to the very best of my abilities, the way I had been trained.  I prayed for my team that we would all communicate effectively and work well together.  I prayed we would have each other's backs and if one of us missed something when we were the lead that the rest of the team would effectively cover and make sure we did everything right.  Then I went to work and tried not to think about it.

At work I explained to the kids that I would be leaving extra early as this was the day of my final testing for EMT school.  My 36 k-4th graders thrilled me to no end when they began chanting, "YOU CAN DO IT!" over and over.  THEY had my back!  I was moved almost to tears.  When the time came for me to head to school, a whole herd of children about knocked me down in their excitement to hug me goodbye and wish me well.   I knew I had been hugged by God.

When I got to class the first thing I did was inquire of my teammate if he had completed the re-take of the final.  He beamed at me.  He had taken and passed it.  Praise God!  Next I checked on a few others of my classmates that had been in the same boat.  Smiles all around.  Whew!!! 

The way the practical finals were done is that each team would go to four different stations throughout the evening.  There was major medical, minor medical, major trauma and minor trauma.  In class the students had asked which one the instructors thought was the most challenging.  Chief McC. told them major medical, hands down.  He said he'd put his sharpest cookie on lead for that one if it were him.  He also told them that as lead, he'd put his sharpest cookie on c-spine at a scene.  Guess who my team elected for both positions.  No pressure!  One thing I knew, I had come too far and overcome too many obstacles to get there to fail now.  Even though my team was made up of me, a  Protestant Christian; one Catholic and two Buddhists, I asked my team if they would mind if I led them in prayer.  To my pleasant surprise, they allowed me to do so.  If nothing else, it put me at ease a little.  Suddenly I went into emergency mode:  Calm on the outside, encouraging, cheerleading and all CAN DO attitude. 

Chief L. assigned one team to each station leaving four teams in waiting.  Did I mention I am not a good waiter?  Our team is team G, affectionately called, "The Gangstas".  I don't really remember which order that we were assigned to the practicals only that Major Medical was last.  Great.  I had to WAIT for my most important role.  I HATE waiting.  It makes me nervous.  "SUCK IT UP!" I was screaming at myself inside.  I started at one point to get dizzy and lightheaded and then realized I had forgotten to pack food for class that night.  I had last eaten at work, around 15:15.  It was 20:00 or so by this time.  I went in search of a fix.  I found the vending machine and bought a $50.00 20 ounce bottle of orange juice.  (okay, so I exaggerated a little, but not much!)  I went to my car and found yesterday's string cheese unopened on the passenger seat.  I looked at it much with the same disdain that Sam looked at the green eggs and ham but it was protein.  I knew it would make me feel better so I gobbled it down.  Then I went back inside.  Finally my turn came around to lead and we finished Major Medical.  We were the LAST team to test.  We helped clean up the station and returned to our classroom.  Over the next twenty minutes the last group in each of the other stations trickled in carrying equipment.  Now we had to wait again! 

I forgot to mention that for the practical finals, we were not told how we did at the end of each station.  Our instructors told us that we would be given a short debriefing when everything was done to discuss what we did well, what we needed to improve on and weather we passed or not.  If we didn't we had to come back and re-test one more time the next day.  They felt this was in the best interest of the teams because if we didn't pass one section, the team lead for that section would be a basket case for the remaining stations.  Good logic.  Not so easy to live with though.  As we waited, (I especially,  not so patiently,) Chief McC. callled one group at a time into the "cry room" as he called it.   For the most part he called our groups in alphabetical order..  A, B, C, o wait, C is out of the room, D, E, F, H.

"H???"  What the hell?  WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE NEXT!  DOH!  Wait some MORE?  Crap!  Does this mean we failed?  Finally as I panicked in my head (but stayed cool on the outside, mostly), he came out of the cry room to call the next group.  "This is it," I thought, dreading it by now.  "C!" 

CRAP!  I had forgotten that C had been passed over.  "I GET IT LORD, BE PATIENT!   I GET IT!!!"
I didn't like it though.  "I trust you," I said to God, more to convince myself than Him.  I WANTED to trust Him, did that count?

Finally Chief McC. called us.  With fear in my heart I stepped into the cry room with my team.  At first we all held hands for just a moment, then we dropped hands and faced the Chief like what he had to say to us next was going to determine how we would spend the rest of our lives.  It certainly FELT that dramatic to us.

First he said to us that he knew this class was one hard freaking class.  He said it was meant to be.  He said this was not a job for just everybody no matter how badly they thought they wanted it.  He went on to tell us how worried he had been when he saw that the four of us had teamed up.  He said he couldn't have picked four different personalities to try and become a team.  He told us he knew it would be a great challenge for us from the start.  "That said," he said.  "Let's talk about how you did tonight."  Did that sound doomy and gloomy to you?  It sure did to me. 

He started with Minor Medical.  He gave us feedback and we made some mistakes, but overall, he said we did very well.  He told our Minor Medical team leader he had done a good job.  He congratulated him and said, "YOU PASSED!"   I figured Major Medical would be next and braced myself for whatever was to come.  "Minor Trauma," said the Chief.  He again gave us his evaluation and told the team leader, "Congratulations! You passed!"  I think I am going to be ill.  Surely now it is my turn.  "Major Trauma," Said Chief McC.  More of the same, positive and negative feedback followed by congratulations.  By now I am fighting tears.  But I don't know  if they are tears of frustration or stress or just what.  I just know that they are building up behind the dam and the dam is about to break.  Finally the Chief looks at me.  "AND YOU!" he booms.  I tried not to shudder.  Then he smiled.  "You did an amazing job!"  He proceeded to tell us what went well with Major Medical.  He never mentioned our shortfalls though I knew there were some.  One was critical.  I never said "Scene is safe!"  I remember looking and thinking it but I never said it.  But my partner had my back and he had looked at me and said, "the Scene is Safe!  I checked it out!"  Scene safety is a critical failpoint but Ian had saved my ass!  I know I saved his too in his scenario but I hadn't given it  a second thought.  I was just grateful he saved mine.  "Congratulations!  You passed!"   The dam broke and I bawled like a baby.  Chief gave me a big hug and asked if I was going to be okay.  He said he wasn't sure anyone here was trained well enough if I went down.  We laughed.  It took a few minutes but I finally pulled myself together.  My team and the Chief and I were all hugging.  Then Chief McC. addressed us again.  "I want you to know," he said.  And he proceeded to tell us that he felt we had been the most improved students in the class.  He said that he knew we wanted it more than anyone else there.  He also said that we pulled it together because we were able to put aside our differences and focus on the job.  He told us that is what fire departments are looking for.  It's what ambulance companies need.  It would serve us well and if we ever found our way there, he'd be proud to have us on his department.   That was the biggest compliment and pat on the back I could ever have gotten.  I had impressed the Chief.  My TEAM had impressed the Chief. 

After that, everybody packed up and either went out to party or went home.  I had to be up at 04:30 and it was 21:00.  I didn't care.  I went out to have a beer with the team.  Chief McC. promised he'd join us.  Chief L had to take his son home.  His son was a minor and had been one of our patients for the day.  I was sorry Chief L couldn't celebrate with us but I was so glad we WERE celebrating.  The Chief didn't show up until a good half hour after the rest of the class.  He came to me first and put his arm around me on the barstool.

"How are you doing?  Are you okay now?" he asked. 

"Never better.  Sorry I fell apart back there."  I explained that I always keep my cool until it's over.  And that I just couldn't help myself because I have wanted this SO badly for SO long.  He said, "I never would have guessed that!" and smiled.  Then he added, "I'm proud of you."

I have no doubt the Chief made me wait on purpose that day.  I am honored to have trained under him.  I learned a lot.  I told hm at the party that I wished I could be a fly on his shoulder for a year.  He laughed because he works for a very small department.  He said, "You'd only run three calls!"  I love that man.  I'll never forget him.  I hope I will see him in the field.

I cried all the way home that night.  Tears of relief and joy and gladness.  Tears of excitement and wonder about what is to come.  Tears of amazement that I am that much closer to finally living my childhood dream.  And even now as I write about it, I feel raw and exposed, but good.  And tears still come with the amazement that I have made it this far.

  
(sorry, I blanked out some information for privacy reasons)
Thanks Team for believing in me.  Every time I was down, one or more of you would say something or write something that lifted me up and renewed my confidence just enough to keep going.  I don't deserve all the attention I have gotten over this, but it sure has been a blessing.  I hope now I can live up to the expectations you all must have of me.  I want to be the best EMT I can be. 

Now, I am preparing for the National Registry Exam.  That's the next step.  WHEN I pass it, I have to find a sponsoring agency to hire me.  For those of you who offer prayers on my behalf, I am hoping for Rural Metro.  The exam is on the 16th of July, at 09:00.

And now, it's back to the books!

Until next post, stay safe!  And thanks for all of your support.  I am SO grateful.

Hotflash out.